20 Lessons I’ve Learned Since Leaving the Church


My unapologetic, Black self. 2016.

I haven’t been to church in over a year now, and I’ve been pondering how I should address what I’ve discovered along the way. If you’ve been following my blog for a while, you probably could’ve never guessed that I would end up here. I never imagined that I could exist outside the Church I once held so dear. But due to the routine state-sanctioned violence that is being inflicted on my people, and the inadequate response from the church (among other things), I have decided to remove myself entirely from a system that claims to value my soul, but fails to show up for my Black body. I’ll probably end up writing a book about this one day, but in the meantime, here are 20 things I’ve learned since leaving the church:

  1. God is not a man.
  2. There is no pre-determined path called “God’s will” that I must discover and adhere to in order to experience God’s grace, love, and favor.
  3. As a Black woman, I have the power and autonomy to make my own decisions.
  4. Material success isn’t an indicator of God’s presence
  5. God’s grace is sufficient, even when my works aren’t.
  6. I don’t need a church home in order to facilitate a relationship with God.
  7. Accountability is often (but not always) used as an excuse for control and spiritual manipulation.
  8. These pastors ain’t loyal.
  9. My salvation is already solidified and there’s nothing I can do or say to separate myself from God’s love.
  10. Women are fully capable of leading churches, nations, and their families.
  11. Sexuality and spirituality aren’t mutually exclusive.
  12. God’s blessings were never dependent upon my willingness or ability to tithe.
  13. Jesus never mentioned most of the “sins” I was taught in church.
  14. Western Christianity is the farthest thing from what the original church sought out to accomplish.
  15. Spiritualized self-help is not the Gospel.
  16. Anyone claiming to have all the answers clearly doesn’t.
  17. White evangelicals (and the Black evangelicals spouting the same white, patriarchal values) are modern manifestations of neocolonialism.
  18. The people who condemn a particular sin the most are typically the ones struggling with it.
  19. Heather Lindsey lied. About all of it.
  20. I don’t have to choose between being a woman, being unapologetically Black, and being a believer.




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412 responses to “20 Lessons I’ve Learned Since Leaving the Church

    • LMAOOOO!!! I fell out at that one about Heather Lindsey!!! Lmao. Never was a fan and a lot of what she says isn’t biblical but okay…sis. I cannot stop laughing – a friend of mine brought her up the other day too! Praying for you and God bless you!

  1. THIS IS EVERYTHING! I left the church in October 2015 and so much of your 20 lessons resonate with me! I generally never comment on blogs but reading your list made me feel like I’ve read a recap of some of my own mental light-bulbs over the past several months. I thought about starting a blog a about “leaving the church and finding God” and maybe one day I will. But I would say add to your list #21 Liberation: really beginning to understand what it means to be free! We should chat by email one day! #insolidarity #thisjourney #itisnteasy #butitsworthit

  2. I agree with a lot of the things on your list. However, I happened to find a church that’s not the norm and I love it. Churches as real as this are very rare. Just out of curiosity, why do you think Heather lied?

    • You happen to believe that the church you’re in is different from the others because their delivery is different. Same same neocolonialism.

    • I am so glad you were able to find a fellowship of believers that you can worship and serve with. The key is in staying connected so your faith and understanding of God continues to grow. Peace be with you!

  3. I left the church in December 2005 and I am thankful to have learned many of these lessons as well (except I don’t know who Heather Lindsey is or what she lied about, lol). It has been a long and, at times, frustrating road rediscovering and reconnecting with God outside of that construct, but it’s so worth it. Thank you for sharing this and all the best on your journey.

  4. Im trying to figure out what church you went to?? Because this is foreign to me. All churches aren’t bad, and some people need the church.

  5. Im trying to figure out what church you went to?? Because this is foreign to me. All churches aren’t bad, and some people need the church….

  6. Thank you for this!! I have been struggling with guilt about not finding a new church home after leaving the spiritually manipulative, controlling and almost cult-like church I attended for almost 10 years. The same church, ran by black Pastors, that fought so hard to be “multi-cultural” that they alienated the majority of the people who were members, in favor of hopefully drawing in non-minorities with more money. A church whose leaders spoke out vehemently every time a new Beyoncé song was released that they disapproved of because they don’t want their daughters negatively influenced, but quietly expressed their “sadness” when yet another unarmed black person was killed or brutalized by police. I could go on and on. Church leaders need to wake up because younger generations are peeping game and leaving in droves…some unfortunately denounce Christ altogether, others simply find a way to worship Jesus without being tied to a building. This is an important conversation every church should be having.

    On another note, I wish you would expound upon the Heather Lindsay comment, because I’ve never been a fan and I always felt something was very disingenuous and off about her lol.

  7. Hallelujah and amen! I left church about 6 months ago … After being heavily involved in several different ministries for years … Dance, drama, youth, young adult, I was a leader, spoke at the conferences, etc. I HAD TO get out of there. In these past few months I have learned to love myself like never before, not judge myself for alleged “sins” or “imperfections”, I’m getting back to who I truly am and who God REALLY made me to be. I am actually LESS confused about the path that I’m taking, decisions that I’m making, loving myself and others more for who they are and not judging them because they aren’t the perfect, “sinless” being I expect them to be. I’ve been at peace, felt so liberated, and FREE (which is what Jesus came to do for us, right?) Church always made me feel like I was never good enough, like I wasn’t doing enough or being enough, every Sunday I just felt TIRED & beat up after service. I felt shame, embarassed, unworthy, insecure, and guilty about so many things in my life (some of which are just a part who I am). When I tell you these past six months have been HEAVEN, I mean it. I see God everywhere, in all things and all people, and I’m so filled with joy, love, and compassion for MYSELF and also for those that I wouldn’t have had it for before. The STRESS of trying to determine whether or not something is “IN HIS WILL” or “HIS PURPOSE FOR MY LIFE” is gone, & has allowed me to make some of the best, life-altering decisions I have made in my almost 27 years of life. Also, I’ve been have some great, shameless, guilt-free sex.

    “Heather Lindsey lied.” I FELL OUT when I read that, because YOU have spoken the truth. I was just having a conversation with a friend about that yesterday. We know people who had sex on their first or second date establish meaningful long term relationships, some even leading up to beautiful marriages (NOT THAT ANY OF THAT IS OUR BUSINESS ANYWAY).

    I am just so glad that I am not alone in this journey. I love God, & I know (s)he loves me. Continue on in your freedom girl!

  8. Brava. I left the church many years ago, in my early twenties and I believe that our relationship with God is personal. Brick and mortar and the hypocrites that march in and out of it on Sunday morning is of absolutely no consequence.

  9. I love this. I haven’t belonged to a church since I was 19. I am now 41. I have rarely set foot in a church over the course of that time. I have never felt comfortable in church, even as a child. At 10 years old, I made the decision that none of it made any sense. I have never looked back and I have been a happier person for it.

  10. I am a pastor and I agree with all your points. Keep keep writing and reflecting!

    I would add ministries and ministers that teach liberation, attack patriarchy and dare speak about sexuality are marginalized, yet finding space in this post modern context.

    Thank you!

  11. This is good stuff. I have 2 questions. Are these things that your church(es) weren’t teaching you or are you saying that they were illuminated because of your separation? Second question, and don’t judge me :-), who is Heather Lindsey aND what did she lie about?

  12. Wow my dear sister, you said a lot in so few words. This blog you published makes for a good roundtable discussion from various people who have the same view as you, especially christian millennials, pastors/ministers and social activist who have connections with the church.
    I am a black man who has served in the church for years as a minister and minister of music and I share some of the same views as you. I just recently resigned from a mega church in my city (Baltimore) to refocus and regroup.
    I will eventually be pastoring a local church in the city and I pray there are somethings I can change in the church with the help of others around me.
    I have witnessed spiritual manipulation at its best in church. There are those who tried it on me, but they know better now.
    I have a heart for God and for people. I welcome you’re response and maybe further discussion.
    Let’s connection. If you are on Facebook, hit me up – Donnell Eley

  13. I love you and everything you wrote here. I stopped attending my church (and all churches) a few years ago and decided to honor the goddess in myself and worship myself, my body, and what I identify as the energy that makes up my soul and being. I don’t need extior systems in order to live a wholesome and balanced life especially when those systems have been used (and still are used) to manipulate and oppress me.

  14. I do not mean to stir the pot so please read this in love all love.

    I appreciate articles like this because I believe it sheds light on some of the dark and unfortunate things that happen in church. People often mistreated and the list goes on. But to me the church is simply a community of believers coming together for s greater purpose. Many of you have great talents that combined can create and even greater impact for the kingdom.

    I would urge you to pray that God leads you to a church home that honors him. I did not find it cool that people were proud to not have been in a church in 20 years. It says that they are still offended by someone which has possibly stopped their impact.

    I just got back from a missions trip that if I were not connected to a ministry would not have been able to go on and experience. I pray their hearts would be softened and they would find forgiveness in their hearts but def be apart of a community/company of believers who are about accomplishing Gods mission.

    • I totally agree with you. It’s not cool to boast about not being a part or going to church. It’s true that going to church doesn’t make you a follower of Christ, but a follower of Christ goes to church.

    • The realest reply on here. I join my faith with yours, Thomas. I pray the hearts of all God’s children who commented on here (and those who simply read the post) will indeed be softened. I pray they will turn away from the ways of man and look unto Jesus’, the author and finisher of our faith.

      Be blessed, Thomas. Let’s keep praying for our brethren of today and tomorrow.

    • Are people proud to not have gone to church? Or our they happy to feel free from a system that has exercised control by keeping constant fear in people. The writer made me like i wasn’t alone. Christianity as we know it was admittedly introduced to African(s) Americans by Europeans with clear intention of control and manipulation. This is not to say that church cannot serve the community well. But to have tons to say about my soul but silent about mistreatment of black folks made a guy like me who’s been on the fence about returning church get off the fence and go back in the yard.

    • Thanks for the response. We have to stay with the bible….fail not to assemble ourselves…

    • God’s blessings Thomas. As much as I’m trying to understand, I still do not seem happy that the gathering of the godly brethren is being forsaken. As much as it’s a personal race, I still believe that we need one another to help put ourselves in check once we err…

  15. Come to Middle Collegiate Church in NYC. The most progressive inclusive church in the country.

  16. I appreciate you taking the time and courage to share your 20 truths. May the spirit of the ancestors continue to be a light unto your path! #9 is my fav, by the way! 😬

  17. I hear your sentiments here and it sounds like you’ve been lied to and manipulated by the church. A break is just what you needed! I’m curious as to what you would want out of a church you would choose to attend. Sad to say I’ve visited more churches than I care to recall and only found ONE that seems to be legit. Did you go to church in the South, megachurch, mono-ethnic church made up of one race or ethnicity, very conservative church? Just curious about your experience. I’ve found that no one really wants to talk about social issues and find it really hard to engage their congregation on these topics. It too political, too messy and God will fix it in due time. Aren’t we supposed to bring the kingdom here on earth and be little Christs. That type of behavibehaviold haimpan impact our communities and how we advocate for the least of these which happen to be black people and all other marginalized groups in America at the moment. Sounds like you may want to explore more liberal theologies!

  18. Hi k was wondering can I ask why did Heather Lindsey lie about? Not that I’m a super fan but I was wondering is it the same thoughts I have.

  19. Liked reading your posting. You are a beautiful black woman. One question. Are you concerned that by leaving church altogether, you may begin to live a secular life? Do you have the spiritual discipline to keep in the faith and do what God called you to do? Please don’t think I’m trying to judge. Not my intention.

    • That’s exactly right. I feel many people who leave church and experience “freedom” are really experiencing living life as they want to live it, living however they want to live, in a secular mindset. I don’t think this is the view of biblical believers because the bible clearly teaches otherwise. Many people believe that the belief that sex should be enjoyed within the context of marriage is restrictive and patriarchal. They feel they should be able to sleep with whomever they want whenever they want and in their opinion that is the “freedom ” Jesus came to bring. Of course that is their right but let’s not confuse that with anything that Jesus stood up for.

      I hate that this writer experienced some of the things she experienced from a church. What a shame. Some churches truly can be worse than the world outside the church.

    • We are all living a secular life – secular means things that have no religious or spiritual basis, US going to work, eating, bathing (unless washing of feet), sports, enjoying yourself …secular. My turn-off is people that have no life outside of church, when was the last time you (not you specifically) laughed, really drew someone in to you to even want them to consider Christ. After all these years of us being in church, why are we still in the same situations – not because the preacher didn’t bring heaven down on Sunday morning, there is a manipulation for attendance, giving, sacrifice. The church has become the parent’s house that most of us have worked hard to get out of, but guilt-ed if not in attendance, not attending enough etc. (I’m not trying to stir the pot either) Let me preface with I think, that going to church may require discipline, but faith is a blind belief and everything God called us to do is NOT within the confines of the church or the pulpit. Someone stated they did mission work – would you consider asking the same question if there were no “church” were they ministered? And yes ministering can be considered the diligence of church/service, but missionaries being human do unGodly things too (on the mission). It’s a catch 22 and we have to let God work on each person, read the word for yourself.

    • With all meekness, spiritual discipline is gained by reading the word of God and having a personal relationship with Him not going to church

    • What does someone not being religious have to do with secular life Sammie? You are proving her point. Stop being so judgmental.

  20. I am sorry as the body of Christ has failed you. However ,your points that you made are just that points. You can do a lot of things and succeed with out the church,but it doesn’t mean it’s scriptural or have a good end eternally . If your turn off by Church that’s one thing.But in God’s word he makes it clear of his comandments,decrees and laws. I can run outside barefooted to,but in the end I will step on something and cause damage to my feet. You can’t proclaim his goodness and say you are his child and don’t follow his commandments and decrees. YES God loves man kind period however he is not please with our actions. The Grace that you speak of was available through his son Jesus Christ so,again To claim to follower and not truly follow is were you will have to be accountable for. GOD s not for reglion period. his word and precepts are not a all you can eat buffet were you pick or choose. You either will truly live for him and follow him or not. It’s plain all this other I will agree is failure on the bodyof Christ and Man.But God has established order and a functional government for the body of christ. It sadness me to see so many mix and match there gospel.but hey like you said these are points. I know what has been proven and founded ,my changelle to you would find a local body that will challenge you and is lead by the Holy Ghost you will have to chunk reglion and get to basic Bible and living. In the end people say all the things they have done for Christ ,but it is written were he will say depart from me I know you not. Grace is unmerited favor to live a empowered life that was provided for us through the blood of Jesus and through faith. We have a choice not to use this freedom to sin and live below what he is asking from us. It’s through faith we live our lives not reglion. We can’t be too far to the left and to far to the right. That’s why the Holy Spirit is the spirit of of truth that is what sets us free.not opinion,offense and your experiment.We all can be the standard of Godly living.

  21. I have chosen to believe the bible, in fact, I don’t believe anything but the bible. Yes they white washed it, but if you can see beyond that, if you can see that learning the bible is learning black history, then i think you can see the truth. I cant tell you its real, that is something one must discover for themselves, but I do want you to try to remember that everything you say you have learned since you left the church is in fact everything you have chosen to place your faith, weather or not everything you said is actually true is something else all together. The church is corrupt yes, just as it was during the times of Christ, but I have chosen to put my faith in God as he has revealed himself in the bible, and maybe if you took the time to learn the three layers of truth in the bible, you will to, but that’s your choice, we do have, and were given free will. Bless, I’m rooting for you. I know bible believers tend to piss people off but that’s not at all what i intended

  22. Thank you my sister, you said it well. The problem that we have is a serious misconception of what
    “Church” is. The other problem is Religion. None of those two are needed for you to have a relationship with God. None of those two have anything to do with your spirituality. There are people who are in a church, hold up their religion as the best or the true, who are spiritually dead. The church of Christ is universal. It is not a brick and mortar building and its only leader is Jesus Christ. The modern church as we know it has become corrupted. That’s not to say that there are not spiritual God fearing people within these churches, but they have to come to that understanding and get out from among the unbelievers masquerading as believers.

  23. I think I am going through a very drawn out divorce proceedings with the church. The biggest problem is they are not equipped to address modern day problems. A child experiencing abuse is prompted to honor their mother and father and pushed back into a toxic situation. Growing up I was taught that Christians don’t get depressed which is one reason why a lot of them don’t seek counseling and sweep issues under the rug. I spent years depressed, wanting to die, because I wanted to be right in the eyes of the church…. now looking back I feel crazy for trying to do that. As of late I stopped attending church, cut my mom out of my life, and have developed my own independent relationship with God and it feels real, it feels organic. I feel mentally stronger and pray more than ever.

    I agree with most of your points but as it relates to women being the head we part ways. I believe that men are the heads and women are the neck that control the head. Not because I am sexist but men are necessary… we can not cut them out bka try to take on their roles just like they can not take on ours.

    • Up until your last paragraph, I was worried I’d written your post and didn’t know it!

      It took leaving that system to save my life. Not spiritually as some might think. But my actual life. If I’d continued in that toxicity, I would have killed myself for my failure to be what someone else told me I was supposed to be.

  24. I recently told somebody I’ve been on a 4-year sabbatical. I visit a place or 2; but have mostly been at home since 2012. Only in 2016 have I been to church more than in the last 3.5 years combined.

    80% of what you say resonates with me. The other 20% I accept as your honest expression.

    I want to shout out Pastor Otis Moss in the comments. I appreciate him weighing in and also sharing his truth. He certainly is a rare breed and may be considered among the majority of black conservative Christians to be divergent.

    Let’s pray for one another!!!!

    I hope we extend grace to all the people of God, wherever they are in their faith and in their assignment.

    Some of us had to come from the “fold” to be more authentic and effective.

    My hope is that you, all of you (if you are anything like me) who can feel where this young lady is coming from understand this:


    Your work didn’t stop nor is it diminished just because you got off the merry-go-round of orthodoxy and religion.

    Neither did mine.

    You and I have been called to something Great, something still bigger than ourselves!!!

    We’re meant to reach some people that the majority may not reach.

    Let’s remain humble.

    We’re not “special” like exotic pieces in a museum.

    We’re just different, called, and sent for an assignment that is uniquely ours — one chosen by God.

    Keep searching and seeking.

    I love you all.

    We need each other!


    A Grace Person

    P. S. – If you enjoyed this post by Makiah, check out Crystal St. Marie Lewis. She wrote a blog post a few years back titled “God in the Gray Areas”. I believe you’ll appreciate it!

  25. Spot on. I left “church” 4 years ago after some pretty strange occurrences. I am 58 and was raised in church. After serving on the praise team for many years and being on the inside of the trustee board, I was starting to question many things. At the top of the list was…..why should churches have tax exempt status? I tithed faithfully even when I shouldn’t have. I watched the pastor make way more than me and I was serving 3-4 days per week……unpaid, all volunteer. Things were not adding up. I experienced freedom after leaving church. I totally understand where you are coming from. Peace to you!

  26. I don’t know what church she went to, but some of the things you listed is not factual. You should reread GOD’S word again. The answers you seek is his word.

  27. It’s very obvious this person does not read the bible not have a solid relationship with the Lord. This post is false and will lead you into error.

  28. These are some powerful truths that I have come to realize over time. The Holy Spirit teaches us when we let Him. Also, please explain why you said a fellow believer was “lying” about “everything”. I had never heard of her, so naturally, I clicked on her name and I didn’t see what was so wrong about the little bit I did read. Obviously she made some comments that you did not agree with, but “everthing”?

  29. I had to look up Heather Lindsay also, never heard of her. Good read, I haven’t been in a while either.

  30. I think it would be prudent to ask what Christianity means to you. If you are a Bible believing Christian, then I do not agree with some of the things you’ve said just because many people forget what the purpose of the church is.

    If you’re NOT a Bible believing Christian, which I find is becoming super rare in today’s age, than I have nothing to say. It’s important that our measure of right and wrong is the same before we can have any reasonable discourse.

  31. I appreciated your post. And I heard you loud and clear. Real talk: my ministry credentials haven’t foreclosed some of these feelings. So I guess I’m saying that If you ever want to connect and further reflect I’d welcome that opportunity. I think God wants us all to keep growing, and perhaps conversation is one way to do so?

  32. A lot of what has been stated are real issues that we face into he formality and structure in the western culture of church. But the assembling of the saints is part of our mission along with evangelism. Obviously there are imperfections in every establishment, but we are the body of Christ. Under grace and not the old law we are commissioned to spread the news of a saviour Jesus! How do we overcome our church hurt? Love and forgiveness is the answer. Pray without ceasing is the key. God is a one who honors our earnest cry. We should be supporting and interceding for our pastors who are assigned with the task of covering and leading souls. Running away to this illusion of freedom only disconnects one from the body of Christ. Don’t get me wrong, I honor anyone’s decision to make choices, however I must stand on the truth. I love each of you with the love of God.


  33. The Word says, forsake not the assembly of yourselves. To not fellowship with other believers according to the scriptures is not of God. People just chose to do whatever they want. But we will all have to stand before God.

  34. I totally agree with about half of what you shared I am also a believer in Jesus Christ , and a this time where some churches want to keep silent or sweep what’s happening under the rug ,is really disappointing ! but I know there are people and believer’s who still are in the practice of meeting together and that have more of early church mentality that are also actively fighting at against injustice, and the same time seeing things through Christ Lenses, knowing that it was never about the church helps me to remain apart of the physical church as well knowing that we are stronger together then we are apart , there is a balance, by the word I am really interested in writing more myself what are some sights that you would suggest for writing blogs and books that are fairly inexpensive , God Bless you!

  35. You need to read God’s Word and ask Him to give you wisdom and understanding of His will. Lean not on your own understanding.

  36. Yessss my thoughts exactly and I had to stop following Heather Lindsey! Her and her husband irk my soul!

  37. This post gave me life. I actually think my faith become much stronger since leaving a structured church home. It’s scary how silent the black church in particular has become regarding issues in our community. Besides, you can still do GODs will beyond the walls of church wall.

    Oftentimes folks treat the pastor like he’s the GOD they are worshipping and you just grow tired of all that foolishness.

    Shantel Collins

  38. Many people get confused of what the “church” actually means. People automatically assume that the church is this building that you have to go into every Sunday. Sorry you were indoctrinated to believe that all your lives. The church is where every you go where God places the desire in your heart to either help someone, speak life into someone or pray with them etc. Many people do not study for themselves, so they end up just going off what someone else is telling them. A relationship with God has to be sought after diligently by the individual desire to want to walk like Christ, Love like Christ did and everything else he proved could be done to serve our heavenly father. Sorry, but there is only one will for your life and that is “Gods Will” Jeremiah 1: 5 (NIV)”Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”
    Yes there are those who are elected by God Romans 9:11 “though they were not yet born and had done nothing either good or bad—in order that God’s purpose of election might continue, not because of works but because of them who calls— ”
    There are many examples of how to live in a world full distractions , a good read is the book of Thessalonians. We think we have it tough, imagine turning your whole way of life and thinking as you knew it for many generations to start one of the first churches.

  39. Great articl . I’m still in the church but I discovered all these truth . You are on point. I’ve opted to remain I’m church but I’m not blinded to what the realities are. Stay focussed and allow God to continue to reveal His love and grace to yo . Blessings

    • Words out of my mouth. What she says and these revelations are the very reason she should stay and not leave the church
      I really struggle to see why she chose to leave

    • Pray. The times we are in right now are Satanic to the nth degree. We need to not be reactionary. The Beast St. John spoke of is the Computer code, the communication system, and War on human flesh. Every black man shot down is Satan trying to kill Jesus. We often run from what we need to run to in times of crisis. God Bless you. I pray for you to be coveedr in the Blood of Jesus.

  40. 6. You don’t, but also begs the question of why Paul did so much work to maintain the growing churches if he didn’t feel they were necessary in some capacity? Church isn’t a building, it’s Christ’s bride. I’m not talking about going to a service once a week then doing nothing outside of it, but the Word is abundantly clear that faith is something to be shared and practiced with others. I understand where this is coming from, and a good portion of these are issues one could help resolve if they feel God leading them to do so, but I’d be careful using phrases like ‘leaving the church’. Christ so identified with His church that when Paul was persecuting the early Christians, Christ asked him, “Why do you persecute me?” Not, “Why do you persecute my church.”

  41. I agree with most of the points, but 10 &17 in my opinion are not in line with the Bible, Apostle Paul instructed that women should not preach or assume power over men in church meetings

    • That was before we realized that the rib could and does do everything that a man does. We always held down men in other areas… why not in church too? We are more than capable.

    • As a female pastor, it amazes how we continue to misinterpret the bible. It is my prayer that “church folks” understand how the bible was used to enslave black folks and oppressed women. If you understand the scriptures spiritually, then you will understand that they are life giving and deals with our conscious. Wake Up!

    • Paul is not Jesus and he damn sure ain’t God. Why don’t y’all who follow Paul more than Jesus call yourselves Paulians or something?

    • Apostle Paul was a human being, and thus imperfect, remember that. If not for women, and their leadership in the church, many churches wouldn’t exist.

    • And then there is the NEW testament where it is lawful for women to teach and preach. There were women preachers all in the bible. What book do you read??

    • in order to fully understand the message of both the new testament and the old, one needs to understand the context.Why was Paul saying this.in Corinthians, we are all equal in the eyes of God and yes there is an aspect of submission in marriage. scripture interprets scripture in the book of judges there was a judge called Deborah.Again our understanding of judges and the judges as interpreted in Hebrew
      are totally different our understanding does not fully explain the work of a judge in those days..Context is important to fully understand and appreciate scripture.

    • Number 1 is wrong. God came to earth in human form, Jesus. This is a sad post. I truly believe that if anyone with doubts would actually research Christianity they would find that it’s true. Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened. We don’t have the option of creating a religion that suits our needs. In essence it’s a rejection of God. When you reject God and the sacrifice of Jesus you remain indebted to Him. The wages of sin is only death. Please rethink your position before it’s too late. God does give grace but we can’t abuse His grace or tempt God with our rebellion when we know the truth. Jesus loves you.

    • We must remember to keep the Bible verses in its proper context. I encourage you to research why Paul told that particular church that and remember, Paul’s letters were addressing the problems that the church was having.

  42. There are points that she made, but there are somethings here that should raise eyebrows, so here is an Islamic view in response to her reasons for leaving the church

    #2 There is a predetermined plan by God in everything, as servants to Allah (God)humans cannot comprehend it, so most reject this concept because of the lack of faith,science soak mindset or they are going through a tough time in life. Allah is the best planner (Quran 8:30)

    7. Accountability is often (but not always) used as an excuse for control and spiritual manipulation. All of Allah’s creation are accountable. The two Angels named Raqib and Atid, record a person’s actions, thoughts and feelings. Whether a person is sent to Jannah (paradise) or Jahannam (hell) is not, however, dependent on whether good deeds outweigh bad deeds; but is ultimately up to Allah’s mercy upon a believer
    8. These pastors ain’t loyal, well no human is perfect, therefore no human situation is without sin. You should engage in self research and create a bond with the Imam or in this case a preacher. They are but medium to spark righteous deeds. You must learn to forgive and show mercy, so when u are judge in the hereafter, (Allah)God will have mercy on you

    9. My salvation is already solidified and there’s nothing I can do or say to separate myself from God’s love. This is not true, sin is everywhere in all walks of life, Its very hard to stay away from sin, you must always genuine ask for forgiveness and hope that its accepted this is why Muslims pray 5 times a day minimum. We hope that our sins will be forgiven (better safe than sorry)

    11. Sexuality and spirituality aren’t mutually exclusive. This subject has been abused since the dawn of time. It is not a form of entertainment and must be done after marriage. It is a contract with Allah (God) so it is tied together and a major sin if the contract is broken

    12. Jesus never mentioned most of the “sins” I was taught in church. This is incorrect Issa (Jesus) pbuh taught not only monotheism,(ingil (the gospel), but the same Abrahamic teachings that you see in the Torah (old testament) Mosa pbuh (Moses) all the way down to Muhammad pbuh in the Quran.

    15. Spiritualized self-help is not the Gospel. The Gospel is the same and accepted by Jewish, Muslims and Christian alike. It is definitely important and You should re-read the gospel and attend classes about the importance of the Gospel.

    17. Ok you have a point here, but you must engage in self research and concentrate on the basics first. (read #15) Never bash anyone for trying to do the exact same thing that you are trying to do. Be more constructive and professional try to change what is wrong, otherwise. Silence is the best option

    18. Allah knows best, for only he can see into our heart and know our path. Again no one is perfect and considering your words in this post maybe it is a good idea to not bash anyone else and concentrate on rebuilding your faith in not only Religion, but life in general. In the end its your choice because there is no compulsion in religion

  43. Hi Makiah!! It is truly a disheartening thing for anyone to know that he/she is being hurt or limited by the very thing that is supposed help bring liberty. I understand where you are coming from with some of your lessons. A book would be helpful to be able to better explain your lessons. It would be a good read. You make me want to make a list of my own. It is funny because I can think of specific faith groups that flash in my mind from your lessons. One question: what do you believe now and has this changed since your exodus of the “4wallchurch?” Thank you for sharing honestly!! 🙂 I have more to share with you. I am a college pastor that ministers to young adults and college students weekly. These students come from two PWI’s (VT and Radford U). I’m going to check out MyPWI. Looking forward to reading more.

  44. Thanks for showing your heart and thoughts. I too left the church since my music wasn’t appreciated and thought that I would grow in Christ without them. I went away for a long time and the time grew whIle I was in the Marines. I had fun, met a lot of people, fed my flesh with pride and lust as my Spirit grew weaker. Yes, I still had my salvation; but my heart was far from God. I live by this, if God opens your heart and reads out the deepest things would it match what we are showing the world? I feel that forgiveness is needed for all of those who have left the church. I had to forgive and see pass their flaws as humans. No one on earth is going to be flawless and Christ himself had times of weakness but pressed passed His flesh in order for God to get the glory out of His work. I need my brothers and sisters in Christ more than I need money because my spirit and soul battle with the spiritual things that money can’t buy. Finding the right ministry is the answer. True repentance is the answer. God put you in that church in order for you to speak out against the hypocrisy and wrong doings of those in leadership. Maybe you were the person to bring them back to repentance. Not to slander the very place that has brought many to heaven’s gate and has kept many in peace.

    It’s not wrong for you to feel the way you all do. It’s not wrong to take a step back. But is it truly God who said to forsake gathering of the Saints? Matthew 18:20-21 mentions where there is two or more together in Jesus name in unity, there He is in the midst and whatever we bind on earth will be bound on earth and whatever we loose on earth will be loose in heaven. The call is not for us to bring division amongst Christians, it is to be unified. Nonetheless if you do not classify yourself as a believer in Christ my post mat sound like jibberish. But please listen to the Holy Spirit and not your own thoughts and desires based off of emotions and feelings. The faith cannot be changed because we feel like it should, it is written that we shouldn’t forsake our gatherings. It is wrotten that those who leave us were never apart of us (leave the faith). I’ve found my peace in a ministry that I am actively apart of and the entire ministry has genuine love for one another. We each desire to do the Will of God because there is a Will; that which was created in the beginning. His will is what happens after he formed us in our mother’s womb. His Will was before we came into this world and God knew us before we were in our mother’s womb. Wise Council is better than friends who will tell us what we want to hear while they themselves wrestle with voids and spiritual warfare. God bless you all.

    • Thanks Allen, couldn’t have said it better. The Church, the body of Christ is a very integral part of a Christian’s life, which is well illustrated in 1 Corinthians 12:12-onwards.

      And true, what is see in most or some churches today does not exemplify the true intent of Christ for the body, and we should be the agents of change, through prayer and submission to the leadership of the Holy Spirit.

    • I couldn’t have said it better myself my dear sister!!!!!! Satan is so busy …….he wants the mind and some people fall right into his trap!!!! Do not be deceived!!!!!! I need my church family too besides the people are the church and they are everywhere you go. You can’t run from yourself!!!! We are all sinners ….that’s why we need Jesus. To God by the glory.

    • Thanks brother. You spoke my mind exactly. God bless you richly for this contribution and I do hope she traces her steps back. Self righteousness isn’t the way. Are there churches that display hypocrisy like the Pharices that Jesus criticized in the Bible? Yes, there are lots of those churches around. Also, there are churches that preach the true undiluted word of God and show genuine love to one another while spreading the good news. I pray God touches your heart sister to find your right place in him and the place to worship him and serve him in. All these patriarchal logic/women leadership etc that you pointed out are things the people of the world should be concerned with, we in the spirit should be concerned with spirit things, like showing love and preaching the gospel and serving our community to better it. I pray God touches your heart, before it’s too late.

  45. Thank you for articulating what I have been thinking for the last year and a half. I have been slowly leaving the church since 2013. As a PK, I battled with leaving the church but knew that it was no longer meeting my spiritual needs. I finally left in 2015. As a black woman and mother to a black male child, I was becoming more and more frustrated with the church’s non-response to what was happening to us. I could not articulate it, but you shared my exact sentiments. Thank you.

  46. I found this to be quite insightful. I agree with most of them. I departed my church about six months ago. I too have learned a few things since that time. I do have a different view on the church experience now, though I grew up in the church most of my life AND I am a minister. I think the Church experience is to be a guild to spirituality but ultimately, we learn spirituality on our own, mostly.

    • Spirituality is found in God. He has sent us messages as humans in how to live. It is finding the true message that will set us free.

  47. I am so glad you wrote about this aspect of Black People and religion. It is another imposed oppression that we do not understand. Like cognitive dissonance. Keep up the good work.

  48. thank you and I have to agree somethings need to be done with private prayer you and the Lord

  49. I really dig what ur saying. I’ve bounced around a number of Churches and coming up on a year as a member of my husband’s childhood church. What they all have in common with me is that I enjoy the singing more than anything else. I participated in it and feel good! Every churches sermon is always well thought out, scriptures given and current relatable experiences are expressed. I cannot shake my thoughts or feelings that it’s all to hold you, captivate you while ur their. But our real issues and struggles where left to deal with them on our own. Or leaders are quick to say “just pray on it”? Mean time it’said GOD get’s the glory in all things they say and receive, while yet a great deal of time is spent acknowledging, at my church and by having them stand up. Those that pay their tithes and prayer is said over them. Then those that are making an offering, same acknowledgement. What about those who can’t provide either? There is always a constant push for money for pastors anniversary, birthday’s, annual convention trips, other locations pastor speaking. Lot of times after you give, speech for doing little more comes. I always find my thoughts thinking on how JESUS ministered, how HIS overhead was not high. I mean when it’s not raining, what’s wrong with gathering in the out doors? I’m sorry churches say their not looking to be acknowledged, awarded and praised but they are. Helping one another with the time, resources and talents you have, doesn’t have to being all about money. Would you babysit or provide meals for a struggling mother? And this type of help can be shared, rotated amongs, “church members aka Christ like, believers”. I tell you it’s a struggle for me to pay tithes and hit for ministry dues and all the others I mentioned ever Sunday, Bible Study and other weekly meetings, events that go on regularly. I really feel once I tithe, shouldn’t ask for anything more. Out of tithes church should be able to divide it towards their other requests. Don’t see myself continuing too go much longer. And it’s more than the money seeking too.

  50. #6 and #14!!!!!

    I haven’t been to church since Easter and before then 1 ½ year. I’ve been more closer to God now more than ever. I grew up in the AME church and it was more genuine and more inspiring back then. Now, it’s a hustle and a drama-filled place where people are power and fame driven.
    I’ve been practicing meditations over scripture and applying scripture to every day life. My tithes go to local charitable organizations or simply helping someone in need.

    I lol about Heather Lindsey. I was never a fan of her ministry but didn’t knock her either. I just think she’s judgmental in her delivery among other things. I’m curious to know your reason.

    I highly recommend Grit and Virtue and Propel Women. They uplift and encourage you to be better by TEACHING you the bible. Very inspiring!

    Great post!

  51. This spoke to me in so many ways. After growing up in church and being an active member as an adult, I finally came to the conclusion that church and religion in general just weren’t for me and were actually hindering the work that God has called me to do. Thank you for writing this. And, like everyone else, I’m curious about Heather Lindsey, whom I’d never heard of until reading this post.

  52. Agree with most of your findings but how do you build community without socialization in the gospel narrative?

  53. I haven’t been to a church in almost 16 years and very happy about it. I do worship Jehovah God with fellow believers but it’s totally different from being at a church with all the man made teachings which are not scriptual. If you would like you can check out a very interesting website http://www.jw.org. Its bible based and has a lot of information on different topics and help answer many bible questions like why is there some much hatred in the world, why are some people targets of violence because of they’re different from others, why does God allow suffering, why do people die, and does God really care about us?

  54. People put to many expectations on Houses of Worship and you attend or have attended the wrong church. A church to me is like a positive relationship. You are supposed to grow spiritually, physically, intellectually and mentally. If all if these elements are not being addressed, then there is a problem. More importantly, if you leave church the same way you walked in; there is a problem. Lastly, it should be a prerequisite that churches involve themselves in the community. I could never be a member of a church that preaches the sweet by and by and pie in the sky, while communities and their flock are in turmoil. Please don’t give up on identifying the church that is most conducive to your needs and the needs of others. I can tell you are a soldier and the right church needs you. You must give of yourself also. God Bless you on your journey.


  56. I keep coming across this article and found myself feeling grieved and pressed to respond as a full fledged Christian woman who attends and is very active in her church. Everyone is entitled to their feelings and opinions but its people like you and those agreeing that will call on God for help or start praying or ask for prayer when something is wrong and or u need something. Don’t get wrong there are alot of corrupt people, views and actions that are wrong, but please don’t lump everyone into that category. There are good non controlling, non manipulating, faithful pastors, church folks and churches out there. Its not about them. You are right have to have a connection with God for yourself. Gods grace is suffiencient but dont think youre doing or are getting anything ON YOUR OWN. People have become to intellectual and stop believing with their heart. Believing with your heart doesnt make you weak or stupid. It makes you stronger and wiser. Heather didnt lie they are just her truth just like this is YOUR truth! Believe you me, there will come a day when YOU will turn your heart back to Him (God) and His church. You won’t stay away too long. sorry for your hurt and continue to stay true to how you feel and know it’s just a test. God will have final say. GOD BLESS FROM ONE YOUNG WOMAN TO THE NEXT!!!!

    • Amen! Word up sister… the truth is that these days, the actions of people in the house of God can be hurtful, so hurtful that some young believers leave the faith. It is upto us who see the truth to speak out for them and do it wisely. However it is totally wrong to condemn the house hold of faith because of some bad eggs… God will justly reward to every man according to their deeds. However if we decide to go our own way because of people and not God’s way, we equally will answer to God. Staying our of Church is no remedy to heal ones soul. If indeed they are growing in the faith, they should be able to understand God desires that we fellowship with each other as we also fellowship with Him. If the church a person is going to is no longer feeding them spiritually, with the Lords leading they can find another church but we cannot run this race alone. Iron sharpens iron. Thank you for sharing this, I totally agree with your contribution

    • “It’s people like you and those agreeing that will call on God for help or start praying or ask for prayer when something is wrong and or you need something” just reread what you wrote and truly think about your response to her thoughts as they pertain to “Church” not “God” . There is a difference between the two. Being out of church doesn’t mean you are out of relationship or fellowship with God. Nor does it constitute one not having a prayer life. Even if that was the case …I remember the God I serve is a present help in the time of need, therefore if you call on him he will answer. God is not like man. He will not judge and have an opinion of someone based on them solely not attending church…

  57. Great read. I can relate to many of the points, however, I love my church. The church which is a network of believers SHOULD be a place of support and education. And to be honest, what we are going on in churches is nothing new. People in the temple were doing horrific things (prostitution, selling sacrificed, ect). I’d like to close by saying the church is still a collection of imperfect people striving for perfection. There’s no such thing as a perfect church, but there should be a standard or care and order; the leadership should be led by God and showing, not preaching, how to live better…do better.

  58. I have always told my son, “The bible was corrupted by one man a long, long time ago to suit himself, so King James found that by editing the bible in his favor, I assume he thinks his chances were better and he wiuld make it into heaven. I too thoughtI needed a “home church”. I don’t really think it matters. Until I became HOMELESS. Thou I do not belong to a chuch, the local churches will not help me nor will they offer me shelter of any kind. No one will. Since I am also disabled, they will not lift a finger to help me because they cannot perch me on a highway exit or street corner to beg for donations that will all go to the church that take in that homeless person. So if you see someone holding up a “will work for food”, their already doing that. Oh and the make you commit to that faith if you’re not already. See churches have alterior motives when they take in the homeless. They don’t want to be called Jehova’s Witnesses so instead of going from door-to-door, the give hou a giant dirty piece of card board to write on and let everyone know you’re working toward your rightful place in heaven.

  59. I’m am so much in line with your lessons ,what I would add is that the power of God is within you..
    A sin,is only missing the mark..it not any thing to be shame of…
    There are additional resources that reinforce the wonderful path of spiritual self discovery that’s so very much trending in your wonderful life
    The author Neville Goddard is a very powerful spiritual guide.
    As a black women who had to worK to find my own wonderful path..
    I FEEL YOU..

  60. This theology is new to Millenials. It doesn’t make it new. It is called antinomianism, or “opposed to the law”. Security of salvation is license but it is no better than legalism.

    Also, Christianity is not a “white” religion, historically. In its earliest days, North Africa has preserved some of the earliest copies of Scripture and provided astute theologians.

    • thank you so much, Ethopia is mentioned many times in the bible in such a way that Moses married an egyptian woman.

      let us all remember that flesh & blood will not inherit or enter into heaven.

    • Christianity is not a white religion Philip evangelized to an Ethiopian eunuch. There are also records that Mark went to spread the gospel in Alexandria in Egypt then one of the greatest cities and wonders of the world with the greatest library.Christianity according to church history was spread later in the west and so Christianity unfortunately was turned into a white religion where as it is supposed to be contextualized. Contextualization was not well adhered to .Even though scripture is above culture.However the Europeans did a lot of missionary work and a lot in Bible translation and we are reaping the fruits, whereas churches are closing down partly because there lacked proper continuity as most of the missionaries focused on missions outside Europe. leaving their homes.

  61. The church? Where is the church? Many are leaving buildings. Not ever “CHURCH” is just alike. What some people do and call it the church, the Lord left a long time ago. The people are the church and the church is supposed to meet together. Hebrews 10:25. I’m a pastor and I will never leave the church. I can’t, it is who I am, not where I go.

  62. I love your blog and your posting. I thought wow, how insightful that you were speaking so many biblical truths regarding the heart of the father that many churches have failed to see and need to grow in. Sometimes we need to step away from things that are affecting us negatively in order to see clearer. I don’t know much about your church, but it sounded like you may have been under some unhealthy teachings that it was good that you got away from. As a person that walked away from the church for 2 years once before because I perceived hypocrisy, I empathize with you. My parents were pastors, but the church prior had pastoral, leadership with questionable motives. I wanted nothing to do with them, or the church, but everything to do with God. I have since then grown more in the word and in my relationship with the Lord and now attend a good church that really has a solid understanding of the heart of God. I had to forgive and see the flaws in others not to criticize, but rather to help change. I wrote a point for point response to your posting just to have a biblical support and share a response for your perspective. I really enjoyed reading. Much Love.

    1. God is not a man.
    – I agree. God came as a perfect humble man in Jesus to show us the way, but if He is in us and we are His kids, we are supposed to reflect His likeness. As in a mirror image of Him by following Jesus. “He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation.” Colossians 1:15 “Now if we are children, then we are heirs–heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.” Romans 8-17

    2.There is no pre-determined path called “God’s will” that I must discover and adhere to in order to experience God’s grace, love, and favor.
    – Well, I agree and disagree with you here. Since you and I have free will, then God must have one too. We are like Him in that respect. “Paul, was called by the will of God to be an apostle of Christ Jesus” 1st Corinthians 1: 1. We all have wills and things we want to see accomplished. However, God loves us unconditionally and gives us freedom in the power to choose. He even gave Adam and Eve the ability to choose the apple. He isn’t a controlling father like some churches teach. This came from a belief system called Calvinism which taught controlling predestination by John Calvin in the early 1500’s and has since then filtered down into popular church culture, but it is not biblical. ie. A better understanding of His process is described in the New Testament. He asks us to partner with Him in life so we can work with Him together to get great things accomplished. He always has our best in mind and wants greater things for us than we even want for ourselves. If we say no, He isn’t going to punish us, but if we say yes, He blesses us. He doesn’t cut off His love. He still gives us love and favor regardless of whatever we do, just like any good parent would. That is the beauty of His unfailing love and grace. On the other hand, I think if we say we love Him back it would be kind of selfish of us not to ask Him what He wants too. It is a relationship.

    3. As a Black woman, I have the power and autonomy to make my own decisions.
    – I so agree, you do. God gave you free will. You can make good decisions or bad ones. That’s the beauty of freedom. “For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.” – Galatians 5:13 The great thing about God is that He loves us either way and will always be there to help pick up the pieces if we fall and celebrate us when we win. Jesus showed us plenty of examples of that. Peter denied Him, the world turned its back on Him, and died for everyone anyway.

    4. Material success isn’t an indicator of God’s presence. –
    It can be if He is blessing that person financially at that time. However I agree, a person can also be successful because they are working hard. God’s presence is everywhere and His glory can be manifest on the financially wealthy and financially poor alike. The bible says that indicators of His presence are the fruit of His spirit. (love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.) ” – Galatians 5:22-23. In Your presence is fullness of joy;” PSALM 16:11. One example in the bible of His powerful manifestation is that Jesus went around healing everyone. He was not giving away money, but health and restoration. He did give away lots of food to the 5000 and paid His taxes with fish money. Haha!

    5. God’s grace is sufficient, even when my works aren’t.
    – So True. 2 Corinthians 12:9. God said to Him “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

    6. I don’t need a church home in order to facilitate a relationship with God.
    – Very true. Plenty of examples in the bible there. God considered Moses a friend. Exodus 33:11. He was always with Joseph, Daniel, Moses etc. He was with the disciples when they were imprisoned, alone, or traveling. However, when they could, they gathered together because that was what Jesus asked them to do before He ascended back into Heaven. He gave them all gifts (apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers,) in order to help build the church and bring them into maturity in teachings for unity of the faith. A church led by mature leadership should helps us facilitate relationships, give encouragement, and help grow in teachings. That is a part of what they fought and died for in the 1st century. If a church isn’t doing that, then they need help to grow. Maybe you could be that leader to help them. By the information on your blog, you have so much wisdom. You could teach them too.

    7.Accountability is often (but not always) used as an excuse for control and spiritual manipulation.
    -Very true. Everything should be done in love. Some people are just not ready for leadership and instead use it to gossip and hurt or manipulate others.

    8.These pastors ain’t loyal.
    – Not all, but unfortunately there are many that should not be leading anyone and are skating by on God’s grace and love.

    9. My salvation is already solidified and there’s nothing I can do or say to separate myself from God’s love.
    – PREACH!!! I love that scripture. Romans 8:38-39

    10. Women are fully capable of leading churches, nations, and their families.
    -I so agree. The teaching of female subordination is a mistranslation of Paul’s writing in the bible. The scriptures in discussion were letters written in response to the church leaders that wrote him complaining about some women. In the Greek version of 1st Corinthians 14:34-35 it is clear that the verses are a direct quote from the original letter sent to Paul. He didn’t write that part. He was just quoting it and responding with a correction to them in the verses after. (sort of like a Q&A) Paul actually commended women in leadership. In Romans 16, he first commended his sister in Christ, Deacon Phoebe, a female church leader, as well as other females in the church. The second instance, 1 Timothy 2:11-14, is used against women too in which Paul was referring to a specific group of unlearned women who were trying to take over their church by force, with false doctrine of Eve and Adam etc. He was was responding to the letter. God loves His women leaders.

    11. Sexuality and spirituality aren’t mutually exclusive.
    -(not sure what this fully meant meant) But I would support that God created sex and it is celebrated in marriage.

    12. God’s blessings were never dependent upon my willingness or ability to tithe.
    SoTrue, but a giving heart is a blessed one and “God loves a cheerful giver.” 2 Corinthians 9:7 Whether monetarily, love, or time, giving to another is showing love and the true heart of the father. The control thing again that some churches teach is wrong.

    13. Jesus never mentioned most of the “sins” I was taught in church.
    -So true. Jesus said He gave us a new commandment and covenant to replace the old Moses covenantal law. It covers everything. “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” John 13:34. That covers it all. So we should focus on our love for each other and not on sins and judgmental condemnation.

    14. Western Christianity is the farthest thing from what the original church sought out to accomplish.
    Yup. I agree with you again. Currently it is very divided and Jesus wanted unity of the faith.

    15. Spiritualized self-help is not the Gospel. – So true. The Gospel is the good news of Jesus.

    16. Anyone claiming to have all the answers clearly doesn’t. So true. God gives us lots of answers though if we ask. I love learning from Him.

    17. White evangelicals (and the Black evangelicals spouting the same white, patriarchal values) are modern manifestations of neocolonialism. Many churches need better teaching and equipping to focus and God’s love and grace that Jesus taught and not on controlled judgement and obedience. People are leaving churches because they are not seeing the Love of God there and it is sad.

    18.The people who condemn a particular sin the most are typically the ones struggling with it.
    Can’t deny that one. lol

    19. Heather Lindsey lied. About all of it. Not sure who she is or why you said that. Would love for you to expound.

    20. I don’t have to choose between being a woman, being unapologetically Black, and being a believer.
    Very true. I think also my experience an identity found in God is what changed my perspective. Knowing and believing that I’m His kid, I feel proud to be me. He loves me and cherishes me as His beautiful, black, creative, woman etc. I am called to love and that includes myself.

  63. Hi, the original church was there to push forward God’s agenda, which is now the opposite, people and pastors /bishops are pushing their own agendas, that’s why God wrote Ezekiel 34,

  64. God never espoused some of the things you heard in church. That is where you need to go and find the truth. Not the truth as you like it but as written. God will direct you to a church that is spirit and truth. It would be albeit wise g or a contrary force tell you something different

  65. The new age church is the church that you must run away from. It’s not the same type of church we grew up in, but there are some who still teach the truth. The key is ti know God for yourself. Have a personal relationship with him. Study to show thyself approve.

  66. I can feel your frustration. It took me a while to find a church home. I have a female minister and a church that has your back. Love it.

    I left a church for the very reason of a not loyal pastor or caring. The sad part is they got my coins but when I was diagnosed with cancer, they couldn’t help. Smh
    Thanks for putting this out here.

  67. Great post. I relate to all of these feelings. Particularly numbers 4, 12, 17, and 18.

    I ultimately left the church and came to the conclusion that I am agnostic. But I’m interested in reading more articles about your journey.

    Thank you for sharing.

  68. I have a few things to say. And please keep in mind that as I am writing this I am not trying to be confrontational, just simply stating my feelings.
    The true basis of Christianity is not in the church( the building or the people in it). The true basis of Christianity is is the message of the cross. And we have to get back to the basics of our foundation. If you left the church because of a person or their opinion, conserns or condemnations then you may have been in the church for the wrong reasons. Who cares about what any one else has to say about what ever topic. As long as you can stand before God and know in your heart that you followed his word, then that’s all you have to worry about. You be accountable for yourself
    Let them worry about everyone else’s business.
    We have to get back to our true love for christ and what he did for us. No man or church will be perfect. As the church is ran by sinful humans. However, if we take our bibles as a starting point, And really dig in to the purity of God’s love, God will surely meet us in our Brokeness. Unfortunately many churches abuse the power and trust it’s members give them, however let’s not judge all books by their covers.
    How can you make such a bold claim about some one and not back it up with any explanation. While I like Heather, I don’t agree with everything she says and does. however I can not deny the fact that she has a certain anointing to speak God’s word. No man will be perfect. We are not followers of heather lindsay, pastor Cornelius, or any other man. We should be followers of christ. Man will always let us down. We should be reading our word, so that when someone preaches we can know If what is being said Is biblically correct. We need to be doing our own Studying. How foolish to take someone else’s word as bible, when God already gave us his Holy Bible

  69. My young Sister. You have had major revelations. Major freeing revelations, And there are more yet to come. it is written somewhere that the truth will set you free. Continue on your path and know that you are not alone. More than a few of us have had these and similar revelations and our blessings have not stopped. But to be clear, leaving the church does not mean leaving God as you so elegantly point out.
    Continue to be blessed and a blessing.

    • so, I’m curioius, because you get blessings, that means your blessed from God?
      Anyone who is in the word of God knows that is not so. As I learned people stray away from the very thing that is meant to cleanse us. THE WORD.
      2 Corinthians 11 vs 13-15 ; For such are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into apostles of Christ. And no marvel; for satan himself is transformed into an angel of light.
      therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also be transformed as the ministers of righteousness; whose end shall be according to their works.

      so please be careful when you think God is blessing you. just remember satan is out here given blessings too. And if satan is out here giving you blessings, its because he wants you to stay in the filthiness your accustom to so you wont adjust to the word of God.

  70. Clearly you have never meet a man or woman of God. You are all into self and self determination. Show us how to be loyal.accountability to who? It’s not a willingness or ability to tithe it’s an indication of your commitment to the cause and love of God over your love of money. Sounds like you have all the answers. Where are these answers coming from. You are right any form of self help is defenitly not the Gospel. Who asked you to choose anything it is God that choses you not you yourself. Lady that church really messed you up big time. I am sad because of that.

  71. i left my church, the usual reasons. manipulation, unethical behaviour. i looked for a good two years for a church home. I found one then i met my husband. who is not a christian. I moved to the usa went to church maybe three times and never went back again. yeah i could spout all that crap about finding myself and finding God. yeah i coulld say that i experienced Faith in a new way. However i wont. Disobedience cuts you off from God, and it isolates you Did you see that part that said my husband is not a Christian??. you do not have to be part of a church but you do have to assemble with other like minded christians and fellowship. its in the bible for a reason. We do not survive without iron sharpening iron. many of the people in this comment section will agree with you, because Sin has led had them make that decision. The long and short of it is many Christians have not experienced the holy spirit, or the anointing nor have they been delivered. separated instead by factions, and denominations ppl have just not seen what God is or what he can do. The minute you think you know everything is the minute you know you know nothing. i do not believe in churches as they are right now, but i do believe in fellowship, order and obedience. all of us should examine ourselves to see if we are in error., if in doubt (because the prophet is subject to the prophet) seek others who will challenge you.

    • I’m 65. Haven’t been part of a religious community since I was 15. I believe in Gd (not a man), I pray, I treat people with respect. I surround myself with kind, caring people of all faiths who believe in doing their best at all time. Faith is personal. My relationship with Gd is not in or from a book, it’s in me & I carry it with me at all time. I find it interesting when those who disagree, automatically consider what you do to be a “sin.” Sin is such a loaded word. evil, ugly, dark-covers everything. I gave up the concept of sin a long time ago and I’m happier for it. We were conceived in love, period. I believe that people have struggles and if we can help, we should. If not, do not judge them.

      • Sa-Rah “now therefore there is no condemnation to them that are in christ” do you know why Paul had to reiterate that. because there is a spirit of condemnation that the flesh will stir up when it is called on Sin. why would your response talk about being judged, or not caring? This is condemnation in it highest and purest form. We are spirit and we are created in his image, our flesh is but temporary and the law of sin and death is within it. it is a spiritual fact not a judgement on your character. you preceded your answer with a ton of stuff about how good you are and the rest of it. however it doesnt matter how good we are, we are to put on the breastplate of righteousness acquired through the blood of Christ because our own works will have us judged sitting in a pool of condemnation under the law of the flesh and not the freedom and liberty that is in Christ. So the long and short, er no. Theres Christ, the cross and Christ’s Righteousness, put that on and worry about the rest later. Sin doesnt need you to believe in it for it to exist.

  72. I’m in love with your list. I have found all these things to be true also, (well all but me being black because im noy but you should never apologize for it either).
    Very well written and thought out.

    But i have zero clue who heather lindsay is so i have no comment on her.

  73. This commentary is really sad. This is an indication of a biblically illiterate person who believes in a God and a church of their making. This is idolatry! This is apostasy!

  74. I am absolutely not a “Believer” (I was raised as one though) but thank you for giving me a notion of Western Christianity I could respect and could understand logically why people would believe it. If any Christian in this country is on the right track for what Jesus had intended for any of us it is you. Just keep doing what your doing.

  75. Wow. Im so sorry to hear the contrast of what you learned at church snd have covered out if church.

    I hope and expect only the truth for you. Id like to shate what I know and have heard . And mostly answers that Ive recieved after fervently praying for years for answers.

    However i will only share if you wish to hear. I dont want to come off as challenging what you have presented. But I will tell you this. The humand aspests of the Church(s) you presented have failed you by bringing falehoods and not presenting the truth. Second please be fully aware of yhe original churches . The were goverened by the law and not grace. The comdenation of God son ( jesus. John 12). Was at the hands of these churches.

    I have so much Id like to share with you. But i will never condem you. I applaugh you seeking the truth. And you shall find it. Hold what youve learned and open your mind.

    Youre at a blue pill versus red pill moment. Allow Gid to enlighten you of hold to that wish you believe as truth.

    Again, I truely wish to share with you. You decide. I only hsve what God has given me and I AM a CHRISTIAN.


  76. I totally agree with you and those are some of the issues I found out as I became a mature Christian. However for me my realisation led me to heed the scriptures about discernment (there is a lot of false prophets, false teachings, also erroneous doctrines, the apostle Paul had to rebuke the church and even rebuked apostles like Peter for erroneous doctrines and teachings), about grace, about loving and about giving. A lead me to focus on my own personal relationship with God while still continuing to fellowship in a church. In short what you have discovered is what scripture, particularly the teachings Jesus and the epistles warned us of. Does all these issues make the church irrelevant? I believe not.

  77. I haven’t been in 6 yrs since my divorce after 28 yrs of marriage … we went faithfully … actually got baptized together as a family! More has changed in my personal relationship with God now that I am not looking to understand via a physical church and/or man!

  78. God is love and I hope that you experience his true love. It is a wonderful feeling to know that I have the love of God and I want to share it with others Our focus should be on our personal relationship with God and spreading the love of God. Even though you left the physical church, God has not left you. I will keep you in my prayers!!

  79. I left the church several years ago; something about hypocrisy that was unsettling to my soul. I truly have problems with these “Good Christians” who profess to be holier than thou but are just as ordinary and sinful as the rest of us. My other reason for leaving the church is I refuse to align myself with a body of “hate mongers” who believe that those who worship differently are destined to hell, are un-blessed, and merit no regard. I believe that there are several paths to God. I am walking my path my own way!

  80. I don’t believe we can be authentically Christian without a community. Jesus may have had a personal relationship with God in prayer but it was the community he established. He sent them out, not singly, but two by two. It is community that should give us strength each week to lead the life and do the things Jesus asked us to do. Don’t give up on community!

  81. You expressed so many things I believe and discovered since I’ve left the church, a couple years and counting. So many. Looking forward to the book.

  82. Greetings to you sister Makiah, in the revolutionary name of Jesus Christ our savior. I am a christian black brother in South Africa aka Azania, I feel you but i want to highlight the following. It’s very important to remember that Jesus was born in the time of Roman colonial oppression of the Jews. The Jews were expecting a political messiah who was going to liberate them from their oppression in his time there were also revolutionary groups like the Zealots engaged in acts of sabotage and violent confrontation against the Romans. Jesus was certainly not blind to the socio-political issues of his time but Jesus did not start a mass movement to liberate the Jews from their oppression.

  83. Hello Sister, I wish that you would have been exposed to churches that believe some of the things you stated before you left the church, please don’t let that toxic experience keep you from realizing what God truly meant the church to be, I’ve been wounded also by church leaders but thanks be to God that I had I had my own relationship with Him to know the difference, there are many churches standing against injustice, you were just not part of one. I’m from the streets, I’ve been a part of black power groups and they are just if not more corrupt than a lot of churches, I love you with the love of Christ and I believe in you, keep seeking the face of God and you will find what you seek.

  84. Well said and thank you for sharing your thoughts Makiah. Please keep your mind and heart open to other opportunities for spirituality and continue your search for meaningful relationships. My heart is in Unitarian Universalism, you might want to check it out. Best wishes on your personal journey.

  85. Definitely write the book Sis.its crying out to be written.So many are coming out of church… there needs to be a “Moses” to lead the Exodus and it can very well be a “Mosette” doesn’t have to be a man, as a matter of fact something inside of me says that it won’t be a man and that it shouldn’t be.

  86. Why stop going to church? Because that one particular Church couldn’t really fulfill you spiritually. Only God Can fulfill us not people. We must stop letting our emotions lead and make decisions for us I’m sorry you had to go through this.

  87. Very beautiful. …also add: Christianity is a forgery. The so called Christian god is dead and can’t wake himself up. Lol and swag. Stop using homosexuality hatrade to kill people

  88. Sorry if my comment posts twice lol. This is a very interesting article and thank you for sharing your perspective. I know how challenging it can be to discuss God and our beliefs with other people. I’m no longer certain that God is a man but it hasn’t been made clear to me if God’s a woman yet either. I follow Heather Lindsey, so I’m curious to know what exactly it is that you think she lied about. I believe that everyone’s experience is different and would never knock someone else’s journey to getting to know God. Either way, I look forward to learning more about your journey and eagerly await your book. 😀

  89. I learned all of the same lessons except number 10 where i learned something different…that women can rule a woman’s world well and men can rule a man’s world well, but women cannot rule a man’s world well and men cannot rule a woman’s world well and we should all stop trying to invade each others territory with the battle of the sexes

  90. I agree with you wholeheartedly sista. I also no not after having leaving the church some 20 years ago, there was so much I had to unlearn that it was at times overwhelming. it is such a dangerous thing to take a book and call it the word of God. but that’s exactly what we had done we had made this literature of men something infallible because someone had told us that it was infallible. the authors of the books of the Bible are available for anyone to see and nowhere is it written that any Author is indeed”God”. when you really look at it it is a great contradiction that the Christian Church says they worship a living God yet base their whole conversations on the words of dead men. as if you can flash-freeze God In this period 2000 years ago and claim that it is the ultimate revelation of God that ever was or ever will be. That to me is a very dangerous thing also. the very idea of the original sin and the ideology that we come into this world and into this existence somehow diseased and handicapped,in need of a rescuer is something that leads one to feel inadequate and inept and themselves and therefore very vulnerable anyone who claims they have the answer and can lead them. we have no feeling of self-sufficiency and it leaves us in want of a redeemer. but what kind of God would create you imperfect purposefully? there is so much that I had to unlearn to begin to move my mind to it Liberation and freedom and find the center of my true spirituality and relationship with my Creator God who did not in fact create me as a pawn to worship Him and does not need my ties and offering. the relationship with the God within must be created ourselves,for only ourselves can free our minds.

  91. Learned. Learned how? From what source… It’s possible these were your feelings while you were going to church and you continue to feel them.

  92. I would be more amendable to learn from this article had your points been made with scriptural listings. But since it does not, I view the article as glorified humanism. Praying for you Selah.

    “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”
    2 Timothy 3:16-17

  93. Yaaaaaasss!! You gave life on this blog. Love it!! Exactly my own take aways.

    Million dollar churches with people on WELFARE AND IN FORECLOSURE!!!

  94. As a pastor of a church in Brooklyn, NY, I agree with most of your points. Some of your points I might choose to nuance a bit, but what is more important is that you are asking good questions and seeking Truth. Just remember though that all churches are not alike. I am not the only pastor that would agree with much of what you’ve said.

    Pastor Cedric Johnson

  95. Jesus never mentioned most of the “sins” I was taught in church.

    I don’t know what are the most sins you were taught in church but i would say we must read matthew 5 to 7 and John 15 & John 17.

    then let us understand the difference between obeying the word of Christ and keeping the commandment and keeping the law(excluding dietary & safricicial) not for salvation or eternal life but for eternal rewards/wages and service(as witnesses or proof that Christ is who He says He is).

    Love covers multitude of sins and for some to understand what love is they need to read matthew 5 to 7 ,John 15 and the rest of scriptures about love,i am saying this because people love with expectations to be loved back and loving only those who love them.

    I will be wrong if i say love is self for to love as the Father loves ,one has to deny self(be a servant ,be last) even if someone hates you for no reason at all you pray for & love that person no matter what,you seek for the grace that is in Christ to love that person.

    Christ is indeed love as the Father is love.

    We are the branches.

    faith&love must not be separated at all.

    I always says don’t commission yourself for service wait for the power from above first.

  96. Pingback: 20 Lessons I’ve Learned Since Leaving the Church – tinyikoblog·

  97. Also – you seem to be a beautiful, sensitive and intelligent person. I obviously do not have to tell you that God loves you, because it is clear that you know that. Just wanted to say that whether you ever go to Church again or not does not matter to me. Follow your heart sister! Blessings +

  98. Isn’t interesting how the south is called the Bible Belt, the place where slavery grew the most? Check out you tube and find the lectures of Dr. John Henrike Clarke. God is You! I was very happy, when I finally discovered this.

  99. Wow. I laughed. I teared up a little because I went through the same thing.. got serious, and then I laughed again. Great post!

  100. This article caught my eye and the Heather Lindsey part was classic. I’ll check out your past post… but that was a good one. I don’t think shes a bad person I think there is something to be said about how profitable the gospel has become.

    As a black woman who hasn’t frequented a church in a while I do agree that there should be more churches focused on the physical being of their people.

  101. Aww what utter Rubbish Hun 😦

    You didn’t go to church to meet the Pastor , nor people but GOD … If you kept your eyes on him … Half the points in your blog wouldn’t be there.

    The sooner people understand this the sooner these pointless blogs will sized.

  102. My concern with subjective submissions like these is that they cause further division, confusion and foolish arguments to the body of Christ.
    We need solutions, not further alienations. Put a disclaimer on it, by letting readers know that while this is your experience, it doesn’t have to be theirs; to seek out the direction of the Holy Spirit to lead, guide and direct their paths. Furthermore, God does not associate himself with Color, people do! He is not even a respecter of persons. He Spirit & Truth., and he responds to such. His Truth is to love our neighbor as we love yourselves. The two greatest commandments embodies all the above. All that you have submitted can be countered With the Word of God, and it has been from reading other comments. Will you recant? I bet not….simply because you are leaning to your own understanding and not allowing God’s Word to counter that experience in love. In addition, inspite of the wolves in Jesus’s day, Jesus STILL went into the temple. Why should you let the wolves of this age stop you?
    Preach Christ and him crucified, and stop imposing your experience on others, that might cause them to be deceived or go down a path not meant for them. Where is the Gospel in all of this? But if you must, Seal it with the Word of God, that edifys and promotes faith and not self grandisement. Yes, be ever thankful for God’s grace, love and mercy that comes through Jesus Christ, but understand that the Word of the Lord will stand after all else has fade away. God will not relax or alter his Word. He esteemed his Word at a high lofty place.
    I deliberately am not quoting scripture, but rather appealing to your conscience here. I come in peace.

    Preach Christ and Him crucified.
    Blessings to all.

  103. I have discovered that and more and I have been out of the church cult for 4 years. Thank you sister for putting it out there because people feel as though I don’t believe on GOD, or as I like to call the most high. He does not magically make things happen. I believe is universal understanding, you put it in the air.

  104. let us be careful not to generalize ,we were warned to be very careful.

    not every church is a church of Christ,satan has churches also.

    we have to be careful and pray more for ourselves & the unity of the true church.

  105. This is the stupidest thing I’ve read on the internet this morning. Not every church is church. Not every pastor is a pastor. You do have to be called from God in order to run a ministry. A woman can run her household no-one ever said they couldn’t. A woman is not to run a church 1Corinthians 14 vs 33-35 speaks it. So know that when you speak against the word your only condemning yourself straight to hell with satan.
    If you try to speak to anything other then what is written you will be accursed. Galatians 1 vs 8.
    Maybe the church which you’ve attended is shaken and not firm, which would speak volumes as to why you talk like this, but you need to educate yourself in the word with the knowledge. exactly what God speaks of in Hosea 4 vs 6 ; My people are destroyed for lack od knowledge: because thou has rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children.

    When it comes to God’s word there is no compromise my dear! It simply wont change because of your experiences. The bible is here as our guide on how to live day to day in order to see the kingdom of heaven. The problem is your spirit is troubled. where you were is not a holy place where God is… its where a good speaker with an idea exists.
    If you were to come to the place where I worship, you would see the glory of God and all he has to truly offer.
    By doing some and doing a little satan is having fun with you, because you then come on the wide web and corrupt others with your thoughts. Just know when you stray and cause others to stray you add plaques on your head. God is not a mock. He is not a joke and the end times are at hand. Before you send people to seek the TRUTH of God, your telling them, live how you want to live and its ok, God will never separate himself from you. That my sister a lie.

    Have you ever read the bible? have you asked the holy spirit to open you knowledge and understanding so that when you read it, you can have interpretation that God wants you to have?
    God is a spirit. and they that worship him MUST worship him in spirit and in truth. God has mercy on WHO HE WANTS to have mercy on. so for right now, or the last year or so you may have been living life the way YOU want to live… and think its ok because God hasn’t put his wrath on you. Well, many are called and FEW are chosen. You might want to check yourself if you living so freely. Or possible he’s done with you what he did with Saul. Killed sauls spirit long before saul was physically dead. You could actually be a walking dead and not know it.
    that’s 1 Samuel 15…. read the chapter.
    If you truly want to seek God, he is there… and it has nothing to do with being black, brown, Asian, etc. God made man in like of his own image.

  106. Beautiful!

    I always felt the church is cooperating with neocolonial status quo, closing its eyes to defining concerns the faithful struggles with and being too narcissistic.

    Sometimes it’s tempting to think most of the church doesn’t know God.

    Tithes: churches have reduced the God of love to a mathematical equation.

    Social justice: I am still waiting for the Jesuit Society in America to explain how it could sell slaves for Georgetown University and believe God at the same time.

  107. Reblogged this on I am deciding to follow Jesus…. or Not and commented:
    As I’m stuggling to find a church home, many of my concerns of compromising my feminist and activism values for the patriarchal nature of the black church is articulated in this blog post. I find comfort in the gospel music and ending my week with my people. But when I see a pulpit full of men or I attend a church focused on passing Jesus pamphlets versus joining an activist movement I grow weary.

    Historically, the black church drove social movements. It was the space where blacks could be. They held leadership roles. The sang. They danced. They cried. They preached. They marched. They protested. They changed society.

    And there are still many churches like that it’s just that they are hard to come by. It’s even harder to find a black church with progressive gender beliefs. I need to see some women on the pulpit.

    So I understand Makiah.

  108. I hear you girl! Keep ya head up, allow Jesus to REMAIN on the thrown of you heart, and let His light shine. 🙂 ❤

  109. Very Well Said, Love It! The Truth Is Most Are Program & Affraid Of Letting Go Of An Slave Mentality Myth, & Excepting Reality…
    I Too Was Born & Raise In Church, & Learn That Church Is Any 4 Corner Rm, & Whom Ever U Believe In Or Name (It) Is Ur Choice, I Believe In & Love MYSELF! & Strongly Praise My Nubian Gods, that My Ancestors Worshipped & the White Man Stole & Lied To, by Using Their White Blue Eyes Blonde Hair Images, To Destroy & Concord Our Mother Land & Slave Rape & Murder Our KINGS & QUEENS👑👑 Our ROYALTY✊
    Greed of Money & Gold is Evil & Tithes Are Income For The Occupations of Pastors Priest Evangelist Pope Etc…
    Who Lives Large Like Celebrities with Their Fancy Cars Homes Blings Name Brand Clothes Etc…. While Their Congregations Are Living on Fixed Income & Minimum Wages, Yet The Church Expects 10% of Their Income, While at the Same Time Passing the Baskets Several Times Before Church Ends Smh
    My Question Is Are We Paying To Go To Heaven??? Heaven Is Living Comfortably On Earth & Hell Is The Murdering Racist & Unjust World We (BLACKS) Lives In💯💯💯So When One Dies We Pray That Their Soles Rest In Peace, Never Had One Who’s Life Expired Ever Came Back To Say Heaven or Hell is Like This Or That!!! Ijs Where’s The Proof??? Stop Believing In Man Made Fairy Tales & Just Believe In Urself & The Same Energy & Beliefs U Uses In Church, Utilizes It In Saving Our Ppls From This Modern Day Slavery✊💯👊
    But to Each Their Own Beliefs, I’m not Judgeing, I Just Woke Up!!!!

  110. Great views.you are a reflection of who I used to be.. I left the church for 8 years and I had the extract thinking as you.. that decision you made is not a natural one there are forces that has lead you to think like ..That !!As I speak I have had a life changing event and I’m currently writing a book about it.What I can tell you now is that’s a dangerous decision u have taken you might not see it now .But it will haunt you.Yes God to me is dual she is an African Woman as Mmatshilo Motsei Says on her book. I wish you knew about traditional churches you’ll see the teachings healings and culture are different from Charsmatic Christian Churches. I wish you find answered from within about why you left the church I wish you indulge in visiting different churches…I wish to meet you.I see me in your story!!! You have a calling ..of some sort..and remember there are consequences. STUDY the reasons why African people go ..church

  111. Good for you Sis. Im pleased that you have the presence of mind and the intellect to examine what you have been force-fed and decided whats best for you. Keep going. People may be mad at you but God isn’t.

  112. . Know one on the green earth lives n biblical times. So with that said yes women can run a church it was taught that women should not. Come on people, 2016

  113. Agree with a great many this she said…thts why it’s incumbent upon all of us to seek God for ourselves. .there is always greater revelation and there is a striking difference between church and Kingdom. Passivity And Dominion….read his word for yourself is my mantra develop a relationship with him KNOW him as Adam knew Eve…then you will know his heart in a matter…SELAH

  114. 9 is the one I have the most problem with…there is no such thing as once sav ed always saved…you can sun a sin that separates you…don’t. Be fooled

  115. I thought your blog was most revelant and it describes how i feel. I will be following you. I, too, have a blog that I hope that you will visit. Much of Christianity today is far far from Christ Yeshua. I am not criticizing all churches but I am tired of the hypocrisy that I see. It is so sad. Here is my blog address and please pay me a visit. Thank you kindly. https://blackwealthempowerment.wordpress.com/

    • Instead of leaving be the one who brings change, that is Black people problem,when we don’t like something we leave, I don’t like my job, we leave, I don’t like my wife or husband, we leave, I don’t like my organization, we leave, and I don’t like my church we leave, you shop, go get your food or what ever but you never ever stop going to the place spend your money if they do something you like. So be the one who hangs in there, Speak up it starts with one, Jesus was one man and he changed an entire world.

  116. One can pray at home and even text someone to agree to a prayer. But being together in community with others, listening to the problems they are having and receiving their support is what sustains a church. Doing kind deeds and good acts as a church expands the individual soul and touches the lives of the receivers positively. Finally, if one church is not meeting your needs, seek out another. There are many churches around to try, like different types of shoes, you will find “the right fit” someday.

  117. I am nearly 60, and left my pentecostal church at the age of 24. I’m still in recovery; a bit more for me because I moved from that place to being an atheist and Zen Buddhist (not a religious Buddhist). Rosanne Cash wrote a line that’s really stuck with me: “My heart is my compass, My soul is my guide”.
    I wish you peace on your journey forward.

  118. Do you sister but always keep GOD 1st in you heart and mind. The edifice called Church was created by hands and not of GOD. As the following scripture says in Acts 7:48,
    Howbeit the most High dwelleth not in temples made with hands; as saith the prophet.

    Our weekly ritual was built on rules the slave master established to keep us enslaved to take advantage of black folks at that time.
    Today’s black church’s deposit around $415 million dollars annually into mostly white owned banks that benefits all the races except ours. Just think of the money that the mega churches put into banks with nothing going in their local communities which the last time I checked is suffering from so many social problems like Drugs, Gang Violence, Rapes and Murders. These so called institutions of faith have become blood sucking money conglomerates taking resources out of black folks hands and giving it to white owned banks in order to loan money to Arabs, Indians, Asian and Jews that set up businesses and take additional money from our people.

    So you are right my sister, the churches are focused on saving your soul and you paying tithes for blessings, but your black life does not matter because they preach that GOD is a God of all people. Tell me this though, if GOD is for all people then why a White Police officer kills a black person without a gun or threat and gets away with it and not one word from the Black or White Preacher condemning his actions “Thou shall not kill” right?
    I don’t get it. I know we have black on black crime but it is a result of the social ills that out black neighborhoods are saturated with.
    During this upcoming selection we hear of one candidate talking about building a wall but this guy has not once spoken anything about building a wall of protection around our black neighborhoods to stop drugs from coming or the easy access to guns that are infiltrating our communities. Even the Democrats aren’t saying anything to help us either but they can’t win without our vote and the Hispanic vote combined.
    We don’t stick together and will never will but when Christ returns, all these cats that are using people with this crap they are teaching in the Church will be in for a rude awakening and it won’t be pretty. And you can bet the money that they make Christ don’t give a crap about that either. As the word of GOD tells us in Matthew 6:19
    Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:

  119. Girl!!!! R u in my head. I left the church a year ago as well… On my bday to be exact because it fell on a Sunday and I refuse to continue to participate in things that no longer serve who I am. I totally feel u with allllll 20 points!! Anyhoo, I could be here commenting forever, but for now I’ll say if u write a book, I’ll buy it and read it!!! All things LOVE my beauty!!! XoXo

  120. Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not to thy own understanding. In all they ways acknowledge him and he will direct thy path.

  121. Great article….i hope this article reaches many people and open there eyes. I welcome you to Islam

  122. You are the church. You bringing these statements to the Internet to share with others is a form of church. Maybe not in the traditional, institutionalized way, but it is still church. Preach on.

  123. Could you please expound on #19, the point about Heather Lindsey? I know myself and a lot of people follow her. Though I haven’t necessarily found everything she said to work in my life I don’t necessarily consider her a “liar”. I’d love to hear back from you!

  124. I applaud you, my dear. I felt EVERY SINGLE one of these when I left the church as well. Wishing you and abundance of self-love, self reliance, wisdom, and love upon your journey.

  125. All these people commenting, defending, deflecting and won’t tell you the truth because they either don’t know it or scared of it themselves. The bible is made up of stories plaigerized from many parts of Africa. Mainly Kemet(Egypt) and Sumeria(Iraq and Kuwait). How can there be a “one size fit all” when we are created individually. Look up Heru/Horus. You’ll learn that the story of Jesus is a carbon copy of his. The letter J didn’t come out til around 1600. King James translated the bible to English. What was his motive? What did he add or leave out? Why are there no woman deities like in the past before Christianity? Ma’at was a woman Godess, why doesn’t Christianity have one? Is it to put woman beneath a man instead of side by side? When you meditate and start to listen to God for yourself, you’ll be pointed in the right direction and become strong and find a greater peace. Asé!

  126. I serve God, not nor mammon. Where two are gathered, God is in the midst to bless. We need the assemblying of our true brothers and sisters tobbe stronger in the Lord. All you are saying was a plot set up my Satan to siff you like wheat and you fell for the snare and caught in the devil’s web.

  127. An Answer to the 20 Lessons Learned Since Leaving the Church

    It is evident why you left the church in your statements. It appears that you, like so many others, accept some parts of the bible as true and others as false. You accept some of the lessons learned as part of your religious experience, all the while denying others. These denials, at least to me, prove that you were never a true believer in Christ to begin with.
    Unfortunately in our day this is more likely than not that churches are not teaching biblical truths – the truths of scripture. Many are teaching half-truths, and some are teaching no truth at all. When Satan tempted Jesus he used scripture (Matt. 4:5-6). That’s why we are commanded to “Do your best to present yourself to God as approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth” (2 Timothy 2:15). The scriptures also state, “And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. So it is no surprise if his servants, also, disguise themselves as servants of righteousness. Their end will correspond to their deeds” (2 Corinthians 11: 14-15). “For the weapons of our warfare are not the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:4-5).
    The first (and foremost) thing that I will address is that the Scriptures (in their original language) are the Word of God. They are God-Spired, which is to say that they are God-Breathed (2 Timothy 3:16-17). We are warned on at least four occasions not to add to or take away from God’s Word (Deut. 4:2, 12:32; Proverbs 30:5-6; Revelation 22:18-19). These warnings are severe. I’ll state two of these in order to speak of their severity. Proverbs 30:5-6 read, “Every word of God proves true; He is a shield to those who take refuge in Him. Do not add to His words, lest He rebuke you and you be found a liar.” Revelation 22:18-19 read, “I warn everyone who hears the words of this book: if anyone adds to them, God will add to him the plaques described in this book, and if anyone takes away from the words of the book of this prophesy, God will take away his share in the tree of life and in the holy city, which are described in this book.”
    Although I should address all 20 of your lessons (and I agree with lessons 4, 5 and 9) I will only rebut 2 – lessons 1 and 3.

    1. God is not a man. The scriptures teach that “God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth” (John 4:24 – Jesus’ words to the woman of Samaria). The scriptures stat that God is spirit. But the scriptures also emphatically state that God took upon Himself humanity in the person of Jesus Christ (John 1:1-3,14; Titus 2:13;Philippians 2:5-8; Hebrews 1:8; Revelation 1:7-8). These are few of the many scriptures which claim that Christ is eternal God. If you do no believe that Jesus Christ is God then you can call yourself what you want but you were never a true believer in Him. Jesus Christ is “‘Immanuel’ (which means, God with us)” (Matt 1:23). “For in Him (Christ) all the fullness of Deity dwells in bodily form” (Colossians 2:9). Christians are “waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for Himself a people for His own possession who are zealous for good works” (Titus 2:13-14). Therefore, if Jesus Christ is God, and Jesus Christ is man, then God is a man. Jesus Christ is the God/man. Whoever does not believe that is not nor ever has been saved.

    3. As a Black woman, I have the power and autonomy to make my own decisions. That statement is entirely true. You, in particular – and all of us in general, have the right to make our own decisions. But to what end? “For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?” (Matt. 16:23). “The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God, and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man” (Ecclesiastes 12:13). “For this is the will of My Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in Him should have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day” (John 6:40).
    Your ethnicity does not matter in the ultimate sense. God’s promise to Abraham was, “And through your offspring shall all the nations be blessed” (Genesis 22:18). “Now the promises were made to Abraham and to his offspring. It does not say ‘And to his offsprings,’ referring to many, but referring to one, ‘And to your offspring,’ who is Christ” (Galatians 3:16). Christ will purify for Himself a people out of every tribe, every nation, every kindred, every tongue.
    In a general sense of course our ethnicity matters. Paul was concerned about his people in Romans 10:1-4; and we should be concerned about ours. But like Paul I am most concerned with the salvation of our people in particular, as well as all people in general.

  128. I am curious about #1. Is your stance that God is a woman or that God has no gender? I am just curious and in the midst of some internal discoveries of my own and I wish to converse more with people who share similar belief as you’ve expressed as it relates to #1. Great post.

  129. Yes God is a Spirit true worshipper worship him in Spirt and truth and he is our Father and Jesus is his son… I agree with some of the things you have said but some I don’t agree with which is the norm .. May God the Father and Jesus Christ his Son continue to keep you until you come in the fullness of his truth Blessing young lady

  130. I am a white guy , though I was partnered with a Black woman for 25+ years. I am also a progressive protestant (UCC). The stuff on your list is the stuff I learn IN Church. Seriously- how messed up was your previous church? I hope you can find a community of folks that is just as appalled at all that nonsense as you are. There really are places that would embrace all of what you have learned all no with you and your whole self.

  131. I appreciate her feedback. The interesting thing about most of the frustration and criticism about the church that I find in this article as well. Is that in ALL spectrums of society and in life the same disappointments are found. We simply don’t acknowledge them and respond to them the same way. For every bogus church, there is a bogus organization, for every hypocritical pastor there is a hypocritical boss etc, the difference is we won’t in many cases quit our job because of our need for $, we live with hypocrites in our homes, neighborhood and everywhere else.This is part of the deceptive strategy from the world of darkness. The first and most important question that has to be addressed with all of us is. 1.Does the word of God contain absolute truth, are there commands, instructions etc that the Lord has communicated to the human race as His way of doing. I submit to you from my convictions yes. The decision I make on whether I attend a church or how I live my life should be predicated on my being a disciple of Christ. Loyalty to a man, system, organization, job, family, church etc is second behind this commitment. I sense our understanding and convictions concerning God’s word is what we are lacking.

  132. I appreciate her feedback. The interesting thing about most of the frustration and criticism about the church that I find in this article as well. Is that in ALL spectrums of society and in life the same disappointments are found. We simply don’t acknowledge them and respond to them the same way. For every bogus church, there is a bogus organization, for every hypocritical pastor there is a hypocritical boss etc, the difference is we won’t in many cases quit our job because of our need for $, we live with hypocrites in our homes, neighborhood and everywhere else.This is part of the deceptive strategy from the world of darkness. The first and most important question that has to be addressed with all of us is. 1.Does the word of God contain absolute truth, are there commands, instructions etc that the Lord has communicated to the human race as His way of doing. I submit to you from my convictions yes. The decision I make on whether I attend a church or how I live my life should be predicated on my being a disciple of Christ. Loyalty to a man, system, organization, job, family, church etc is second behind this commitment. I sense our understanding and convictions concerning God’s word is what we are lacking.

  133. My relationship with the God of my understanding isn’t defined by anything or anyone.

    I still have a connection with His presence and i am thankful for the grace and tender mercy’s bestowed upon me.

    I appreciate all my blessings from God and I surrender to Him daily.

  134. Unfortunately she’s fulfilling scripture. I fully understand where she’s coming from. However, she’s wrong and is suffering from rebellion and arrogance, a condition often caused by deep hurts one gets in bad churches.

    // But due to the routine state-sanctioned violence that is being inflicted on my people, and the inadequate response from the church (among other things) //

    Contrary to the propaganda from the media, the state-sanctioned violence takes many forms. Let’s name the main ones. (1) ABORTION. Out of the approx. 3500 babies murdered every day in America, 50 – 72% of them are killed by their black mothers. Justify it however you want, blame it on society or the devil, women are murdering their babies out of their own free will, USING state-sanctioned laws that empowers them to do so. FACT: black American women kill far more black people than white people have ever murdered since 1776. (2) GANGS and THUGS. The many ultra-violent gangs and groups of black people who violently murder each other in this country far supersedes the murders by white cops. (3) The state-sanctioned violence and conspiracy to destroy us is not just focused on brown looking people, but for 95% of the population of Christian conservatives. The systematic de-Christianization of America is absolutely necessary for the establishment of the new world order, new world religion, and the antichrist.

    // Inadequate response from the church? //

    I think forsaking the institution God created, turning on the institution the Lord Jesus Christ presides over, and calling it a failure, is unequivocally inadequate. She’s part of the problem. I get it, most churches in America are nothing but a joke, full of unsaved people and led by wolves in sheep’s clothing. But not every church is like that. Not every church is a bad church. We’re far from that.

    About her 20 points.
    1. Wrong. 1 Tim 2:5 says there’s only one mediator between God and men, the *** man *** Christ Jesus. And Jesus is God become flesh. What she’s actually saying is she doesn’t want to submit to the authority of a man pastor/elder/bishop established by Jesus in the local church to lead. Rebelling against the authority God established in the church = rebelling against God.
    2. Wrong. God’s will is already determined in scripture in very clear statements. For example, Rom 12:1-3, present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable unto God… be not conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind… don’t think of yourself higher than you ought to… Great commission in Matt 28 / Mark 15, go into all the world and preach the gospel, win souls to Christ. 2 Cor 6, 1 Cor 7, Rom 7, Eph 5 and others concerning marriage, marry a believer. The Bible teaches that obedience is the door to God’s favor. Heb 12:1-11 clearly says God chastises every son/daughter whom He receives. What’s she’s really saying is she can live in rebellion and disobedience and not get chastised by the Lord. If you’re not being chastised, you’re a bastard, a Matt 7:21 false believer.
    3. So what? We are all made in God’s image and have the ability to make our own decisions.
    4. Agree 100%.
    5. Agree 100%. However, Rom 6:1 asks the question, shall we continue in sin that grace may abound?
    6. True. A relationship with God is personal. Many folks who attend church aren’t saved and will find themselves in Hell one day. But from the context of her words, she’s justifying breaking Heb 10:24-25.
    7. So what? Is she saying because people pervert God’s word, we should deliberately transgress them? Her logic is really bad.
    8. Which pastors? Sounds like she’s been hurt by some pastors. Is she referring to every single pastor in America, the world, or her town? That general statement is false and misleading.
    9. Agree 100%. Salvation is not of works. There’s nothing we can do to earn salvation nor to lose it. I can be saved and live like the devil, and God will never take my salvation away. But I will sure suffer hell on earth in my rebellion.
    10. Here’s the crux of the whole thing. Feminism is one of the biggest lies women, especially black women, have bought into. God already defined and commanded the roles of men and women and even though we can pervert them, they’re still God’s commandments. God commanded man to lead churches and families, not women.
    11. Ambiguous. What does she mean? I take that as how you behave in your sexual life reflects your spiritual life.
    12. 100% true. By now, I kind of suspect she’s been around charismatic / Pentecostal folks.
    13. 1 John 3:4 clearly defines what sin is: the transgression of God’s law. Jesus condemned those who teach for doctrines the commandments of men. IT’s been around for thousands of years. I’ve seen a lot of that. We’re to hold to God’s word when in conflict and be a good Berean.
    14. Generalization AGAIN. Western Christianity puts millions of people in the same bag across continents, countries, and tongues. First of all, what did the original church seek out to accomplish? What does she consider the original church to be? The 12 disciples and Jesus? The 120 in Acts 2? The church at Jerusalem? The church at Antioch? The church at Ephesus? Which church? Her comments display ignorance of scripture.
    15. 100% agree. The Gospel is the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of our sins. She’s criticizing something not explained but clearly something she’s had experience with.
    16. 100% agree. She is, however, speaking as if she had a lot answers with all her absolute and generalization comments. But this is why we need to be in church, to learn and keep each other in check.
    17. Like #10, shows her feminist mindset. Patriarchal values are the key words. She clearly has issues with men. Could be daddy issues? But she sounds like a racist person. “White” evangelicals and black evangelicals with the same “white” patriarchal values. From a Biblical view, God has made all men of one blood, and therefore, skin pigment variety is a non-issue among God’s people. “Neocolonialism”? Give me a break. Last I checked, it was black people in Africa who sold other black people to the white man. It’s sin. The majority of people in the world are not white Caucasians. And there would be a lot more brown pigmented people in America if they weren’t being murdered in such huge numbers before they’re even born.
    18. Is that a fact or an opinion? If that’s true, since she’s condemning the white patriarchal values of white evangelicals, these pastors who think they’re God, who aren’t loyal, greedy and full of themselves…. Hhhmmm….. I wonder what she struggles with!!!
    19. Don’t know anything about it.
    20. I’m actually very happy about the fact she doesn’t have to choose being a woman. What a relief!

    People are leaving churches by the droves all over America and the world over these same reasons which appear to be justified. But 2 Thess 2, Matt 24:12, and other passages talk about the great falling away. I am not going to condemn this woman but I will call her out in her sin, and I will pray for her.

  135. It sounds to me like you attended the wrong church. Some of what you’ve said should have been pretty straightforward even when you were in a church because it’s straight out of the Bible. So one wonders exactly what kind of church you were at.

    You’ve clearly been hurt, and one can understand why you’ve decided to exit the building altogether. However, I’ll caution against ‘island Christianity’ which seems to be a growing trend nowadays. God has called us to be in community (Hebrews 10:25). Even you have mentioned the early church – its most prominent trait was community. The life of a Christian cannot grow in isolation. On our own, it’s really easy to end up believing ideas that seem like truth (because they make so much sense to us personally) when they are lies from the devil. In community, there is protection, where other children of God – who might be more mature in faith than we are – can help and guide us.

    You’ve had issues with ‘the church.’ But also be sure that what you are opposing is based on what God has said and not merely from what you feel. Many things are wrong with denominational churches today, and it’s truly hard to find a church that is perfect in every way while catering for your every need. But still, do not drift on your own. God may be with you, but he sure works in our lives through other people. Be in community.

  136. While. I may not agree with all of your points I do understand Most of your points are valid and when we read the Word we are that oftentimes the church has missed the mark.I however would encourage you in your walk and remind you that although imperfect the church is what the Lord is coming back for.I am still in the church but I myself have addressed the same concerns you have deligneated in your blog.I pray that the Lord leads you where he wants you.You are the temple of the Holy Ghost therefore you are the church don’t for sale fellowship but ask God where he wants you thank you for honestly sharing your heart sometimes the church has his the Christ but Jesus is still Lord and King.May God continue to grow and keep you.STC

  137. Now that you have some free time, you should really go academically study or get a degree in Biblical theology and Church history, because most of your list is heretical and contradicts Scripture.

    Blessings and Shalom

  138. I would love to talk with you. And while I am A Church Leader. I do not want to talk Church lingo. Or try to Evangelize you. HAHAHA ..I find your journey quite interesting and I want to talk further. If you are willing. I think as leaders we can learn from your journey. Bev Vaughn

  139. Loved reading your article. Insightful to this old church girl! Helps me to understand the Young Adults more and the feedback is giving me a lot to ponder. Keep up the good work. I will be tuning in more often to your isms!

  140. Just an amazing observation! I’ve been looking for a church for many years and have in my own way came to the same conclusion. I’ve put my faith to work in feeding my community❤️

  141. Hi Makiah,

    After reading your article and some comments, my unasked two cents is that you elaborate on your points. I personally don’t jump to conclusions, so as I was ready (my eyebrows raised a few times) all I thought was, “I wish she would have elaborated on this point so I can fully understand and see her viewpoint.”

    I haven’t been to church in almost three years and I, too, feel as if my relationship with God has gotten closer than when I was in and involved in church. I was actually told to take a step back from the church because I was doing what most Christians do which is depend and lean on the church for refuge. I also was told not to follow big name ministries. God really sat me down so that He can show me that the only way is His way–in all aspects of life.

    I definitely see why your perspective is the way it is, so I am no one to tell you you’re wrong or you don’t know what you’re talking about or you’re just church hurt. Let’s get REAL! There’s a big fucking issue in the church (brick & mortar). The trust between sheep and shepherds are lost (for the most part). Churches are working in silos instead of in synergy (for the most part). Churches aren’t using their wisdom or platforms to help those understand or fight the law of the land like they used to (for the most part). They’re not properly teaching them HOW to have a relationship with the Holy Trinity (for the most part). Among many other things. I believe we live in an era of prideful church leaders and the congregation/sheep/followers are only as strong as their leaders. If they don’t know any better (spiritually) they can’t do better.

    Anywho, I can go on and on and on about this, but I will stop there. I know I went off on a tangent, but so-be-it.

    I pray and send you strength to continue to fight the good fight, learning and growing, and, finally, being the change we need to see in this world.

    In Peace,
    Amber 😉

  142. You have learned a lot. Never stop learning. The nice thing about learning as an adult is you can study what you are really interested in and none of it is limited by you gender, religion,color, or anything else. It is limited by you and you alone. Freeing yourself to become who you really are, is the first step to becoming a happier person. It may not be the person who you were told that you were supposed to be by others, but who you naturally are. It is about becoming real.

  143. I feel your passion and frustration when it comes to ministry leaders going silent on things they should be talking about and with some real leadership. This is why I wrote this: http://www.iteachministry.com/…/the-police-and-black…

    I also understand the decision to leave ‘church’ which is an old English word that means “a building”. I’ve written several post about this as well.

    However, I noticed this statement in your blog post. “The inadequate response from the church”. What would be adequate enough for you? It would help if you could give some examples.

    In my latest blog post I deal with the fact that a lot of ‘church’ leaders struggle with what to do in the midst of crisis and tragedy.

    Taking action is not the problem, it’s deciding what action to take that scares a lot of ministry leaders.

    The thought of having to take action in the midst of a crises or tragedy sends a lot of leaders into hiding. They become silent, not because they don’t care, but because they simple don’t know what to do or say.

    I certainly understand the concern and even the anger and for some the rage that occurs from issues like this. Let me also say that it’s alright to be angry. It’s a healthy human emotion. However I would caution, Christians and especially ministry leaders to use some wisdom when voicing your opinion and taking action on issues like this. You can’t preach or teach forgiveness in one breath and “No justice no peace” in another. We are the peace makers not rebel rousers.

    It also dose not mean leaders shouldn’t get involved. If not for everybody, at least for those you minister to. Sticking your head in the sand is the wrong answer. Sticking your head in the sand makes you look like the part sticking out.

    Great post!

  144. Great read. I had issues with being unsure about certain things and asking for guidance from leaders and being made to feel like asking questions for understanding is wrong. I couldn’t get with that. And you spoke the truth about Heather Lindsey.

  145. I agree with some of your points. Just try catholic and get answers of why they do their stuff. You might gain some knowledge about their theology. I am not a frequent church goer but Catholic is the true way

  146. Congrats my dear, you have been out the matrix for over a year lol. But seriously, it’s the best way I can fnd to describe the almost cult-like mindjob that’s involved in being a churchgoer these days. I said churchgoer, not christian. The two are not the same. Some of the most unchristian-like people and behaviour I have ever observed have been at the church. I have found it to be a very unhealthy mental environment. Now if you’ve got what I like to call the sheep gene, that need to be part of the collective, then you can you can be in a church, maybe even thrive. But Lord forbid you are a free thinker and independent and like to call out hypocrisy when you see it! Cause darlin’ church ain’t for you.

    • We have been in organized religion all of our lives. We have never agreed with the system but growing up, church was an escape from the hardships of life. We have been all over this world and realize that Western Christianity is closer to spiritualized slavery than a place to gather to experience the corporate communion with the Father. It is sad that the very thing that gave us strength through slavery has become a residue or shadow of what was. It is now the very thing that has enslaved our spirits and mind. Thank you for sharing!

  147. Write that book and read Authority Abusers. Unfortunately something else modern day pharisees practice.

  148. Good evening Makiah. I enjoyed reading your blog post. The Church (and whether to remain in it) is a hot topic that seemingly will continue to be discussed as long as time continues. Though I can understand many of the points you made in the post, I do believe that these are indeed based on personal experiences you have encountered that have led you to become offended with people in the church; including leadership/Pastors. In that case, isn’t it better to deal with those individuals personally according to the scriptures than to make broad statements about the church at large? For example, Heather Lindsey. I don’t know her personally, nor did I even know who she was until now. From a natural and a spiritual perspective, this is a slanderous statement. That’s just NOT cool and certainly not a godly way to handle personal issues or offenses with people.
    Pastors aren’t loyal? Multiple things that can be said about this, but truth be told, the greatest level of loyalty Pastors should have is to God as he/she seeks to rightly dividing the word of truth, equip the saints for the work of ministry…..but ultimately, following Christ. There are just straight up times that what the people want and what God is saying will not be in congruence. Then what…..”pastors ain’t loyal”. Loyal to what exactly?
    Point is, these are generalized broad statements that are strictly based on your personal experiences, not empirical data. And if you are going to make those kinds of statements with validity, there should be some researched facts to support.
    Christ created the Church. It’s His Church. Not man’s church. Period. But he did give some to be apostles, prophets, pastors, evangelist and teachers for the equipping of the saints (ephesians 4).
    Christ didn’t say LEAVE my Church. It’s Not in there. Unfortunately, between the Romanization of Christianity (kidnapping Jesus the Jew and replacing him with a blue eyed sissy looking hippie) and the ignorant preachers that refuse to submit themselves to the rigors of academia in the scriptures……it’s just a hot mess. YET and still, we don’t just dump the Church and abandon ship!
    I love your whole freedom vibe…..and Christ surely came to set us free but it wasn’t from that which He Himself created. Peace.

    • This reply is well written and so on point. To the sister who wrote this piece, please don’t do a blanket condemnation because of your experience. That’s just like Black men who state they no longer date Black women because they are all… (insert disgruntled complaint here). Or White people who claim they fear Black folk because they are all…. See? Stereotypes or blaming one for the whole is never the way to go. I understand your points and even feel you and say AMEN to some of them. I pray your peace as you continue on your path of empowerment and self awareness.

    • Pleshett
      May God in His infinite mercy bless you. The author actually failed to deal with her issues with people. She can’t Just come out and begin to paint a glittering generality of her personal experience with people and the church.
      The truth is either in the church or out of it, she will always have to deal with people, who will be loyal and disloyal, loving and unloving, truthful and untruthful, etc.
      The step she has taken by leaving the church is just like jumping out of frying pan into fire.

      A word is enough for the wise…

    • Personally, I think posting this publicly is pretty hypocritical considering your comments about how she should have taken her disagreements to the individuals she mentions privately, according to scripture. Also, nowhere in her post does she mention her opinions are based on empirical data. The whole purpose of a blog is to share your opinions based on personal experiences. I highly recommend starting a blog of your own, your reply was very well written, and while I didn’t agree with everything you said, I am always excited to see people out there sharing their experiences as Christians. God bless you and keep you.

    • Well said. I was praying about how to reply to that. There are a lot of things that ARE in-fact wrong with modern day churches; including the motive in which the particular organization itself was started; but the Word of God, that’s something else, and should be considered heavily before throwing it and all of the things not agreed with out the window especially Christ’s Church which He holds dearly to himself. I just attributed the comments and broad negative statements to youth and miseducation; not meaning to lead people away from Christ and the Word of God. I just think that THIS ^^^ will do a lot more harm than good when taken for face value, and lead people down a road where its end is NOT where they necessarily desire to be.

    • Beautifully stated, Pleshette D 🙂

      To kinda piggy-back & add to this…..speaking from experience, you can’t let a few Bad Apples spoil the bunch.

      I’ve been hurt & let down by Church leaders, & members the like, but at the end of the day…THEY’RE JUST PEOPLE.
      It is written, “ALL have sinned & fall short of the glory of God”..

      Regardless of their failures, the ENTIRE BIBLE is TRUE.
      It is written…”ALL scripture is given by inspiration of God”…

      So, we can’t sit back & blame ANYONE or use them as an excuse for not doing & living up to what he has called EACH of us as individuals to do… & provided the Grace to do.
      We ALL need his GRACE & MERCY on a DAILY basis…NONE of us are perfect….& never will be as long as we’re living on this earth.

      As it is written, “Study to show THYSELF approved”…
      Also written, “In all thy getting, get an understanding”:..
      Also written, “Rightly dividing the word of truth”….(Summarized)
      Also written,…..”Every one of us shall give account of himself to God”.
      I stayed away from the Church for YEARS… until I was ready to fellowship again. And finally, I was led to a racially diverse church that was supportive, loving & helped my healing process all the more…

      Yes, God deals with us one on one….but he also knows we as people need SUPPORT.

      It is written,
      “WE are the body of Christ & members in particular”…
      “Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together”….(Summarized)
      “How good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity”

      The REAL reason for us coming together in a sanctuary or church….
      is to rebuild & recharge collectively, & to gain strength & encourage one another to go back out & do what he’s called us to do.

      Bottom line…..We can’t do this ALONE

      It’s NOT by accident I found this post today..

      GOD LOVES YOU MAKIAH!…And EVERYONE else who has read this post. So, pray for your healing & guidance to find another church….
      and STUDY & READ The BIBLE MORE…..for Yourself.

      Be HEALED & Set FREE in JESUS’ NAME!

  149. Wow…..the Bible is here to give direction….it is truly Gods Word! We can’t pick and choose which part of the Bible we adhere to! The great commision …we are to lead all souls to Christ how do we do this when we forsake assembly! A reprobate mind is real! Not arguing with you…. you make great points on paper ………….but what about the people u are supposed to reach? Praying for you and asking that u pray for me! God bless you!

  150. Every single word of this is true for me and my family. We left two years ago and it was thee most difficult thing I’ve ever experienced but I’d change not one single thing about the decision and process.

  151. What you have just discovered over your 12 month period away from church sounds common to mankind but your narrative deserves an ear.

    My question is if you have understood God’s purpose of the church and what he expects from you? [Objective]

    Secondly, in writing this beautiful article what do you expect to achieve from readers? [Your plan]

    I find your opinion a bit rebellious of the church yet attempting to denote a renewed gospel. [Ambiguity]

    Whether you are happy and at peace with yourself or seeking an alternative I don’t really understand.

    One thing I know, when you finally publish that book I will be the first to buy and read to claim my answers.

    A beautiful foreword……

  152. not feeling your list. Why bring Heather Lindsey on it, your a follower of Christ not Heather. The church is just a body of believers, where you can find love and support and also learn about Gods word. You must not have went to a Bible believing church. Praying for you

  153. A raised conscientiousness is following the God in you not man outside you. Congratulations on your progress.

  154. Basically the majority of your list is a cop out to do what you want to do. The church is a building Jesus saying we are the church it’s not about a building or who is in it but the holy spirit that is in us. If you want to leave the church why articulate about it ? Just leave. Social media gives people like yourself a platform to say what you want and because it is written people take it as truth but it’s really a cop out for you to be able to spend your money how you want to spend it do your body how you want to do it or let someone else do your body like you want it done it’s an excuse but of these are your feelings why is it necessary to put them on social media? There may be something along those who are hurting who have nowhere else to go who may feel that the church is where they need to be in order to get the type of peace and serenity needed in order to be better and to do better evidently you’re in such a great place that the church is not needed for you but for those who do need it and want it give them that platform of some type of positivity as opposed to giving cop out excuses as to why you personally do not want to go to church it is what it is

    • It’s interesting that you ask why the need to post her post on social media,but didn’t you also post a comment which is also attached to her “social media post”.

    • Yes!! I agree with this! You have to be led to the right church. Yes there are false prophets out there but that’s where you need discernment to see if that’s where God wants you. However a church is for fellow believers to fellowship together and uplift and encourage one another. Not all churches want your money. God said we are the church so we have to be an example of Him wherever we go

  155. A very good article, though I can’t relate to some of the reasons. I left the church decades ago, and haven’t looked back. I left because I realized I was being horribly misinfomred, or lied to. Having watched “Christianity” since then, they have gotten even worse. I look at that as conformation that my assessment that it isn’t at all true is correct.

    I consider myself an a-mono-theist now.

    #1 – Not a man, or not a male?
    #7,8,10,11 – YES!
    #14,17 – more YES!
    #18 – Definitely. I have a story about that one.
    #19 – I believe you.

    May you be happy, healthy, at peace and in ease.

  156. I’m still in church and I agree with almost all of these points… 6&7 though – you’re in the wrong church…

  157. I’m still in church and I agree with almost all of your points… 7&8 though – you’re in the wrong church.

  158. I’ve been out of church for 14 years and learning the same lessons and variations of those. I’m proud of you following God and hearing his truths. He is a powerful healer and has beautiful places to bring you and people to speak to through you and people to share with you as well. I’m excited for your journey. I recently found a church I am happy to walk with and I didn’t compromise my beliefs. There are many looking for the real thing but only a few finding it. I hope you find a group of like minded radical followers that are free and supportive to you.

  159. Some if not most of the things in your list you really should have are reasonable expected to have known about long before your left the church. Your list in opinion is more of what you believe to be wrong with the church and not what you learnt about the church since a you left, otherwise it would say something about you in general…..!

  160. I came to many of the same conclusions for many of the same reasons and at one point came to feel that my “Black Church” as I had experienced it up to that point was still pushing the agenda of slavery unconsciously since it emerged out of that context. Therefore I quit. But then some time later in a desert alone having just thought I had quit church for the rest of my life, I had an inner encounter that convicted me that the revelation of Christ is beyond church, but as of yet is facilitated by church until the day it is no longer necessary. And so I slowly but surely came back and am now a pastor. C.S. Lewis said something to the effect of; for some people leaving the church might be what’s necessary for them to encounter Christ for the first time. It’s not a direct quote, but you get my point. I wish you the best on your journey to the center of the Youniverse.

  161. Hello, I will agree with you that you have not been lucky to get a matured Church. But I will disagree with almost all your points about the Church of Christ. Please Read the entire Act of Apostles, the definition and the need for the church will be clearer.

  162. I’m just another voice in the blistering cold that is the crowd of church-goers but not church-runners. Interesting thing is reading this fueled two (very opposing) wants in my mind.

    First is leave the church. I agree with most of your “findings” , having experienced for myself just how cult-like most modern churches have become. It weighs down on a person. And when you get some taste of the joy of relating to God, it seems a lot like something you need to keep away from(I know, still trying to wrap my head around that as well)

    Second: Stay. Plain and simple, there must be a way to change this thing from within. Stay, and find it. Infiltrate the church, learn about how it works and start changing it bit by bit, like a benign growth, like yeast in dough(I just had to).

  163. You lost read your bible. If you trying to form your religion go ahead. Lots of people are doing it. And it is said in the bible that you will do that in the end. I pray for you to be saved sister.

    I am not a pastor.

  164. OK so why does this mean that you have to leave the church, not all churches represent good the right way but what exactly is the problem and solution

  165. I’m praying for your salvation(again)! I praying that father open your eyes of understanding! I choose to live the world way which Satan control, now you choose to follow him not God! You shouldnt have never left, pray one day you find your way to the kingdom of God before it’s too late!
    stay bless #beencourage #seekyeefirst

  166. The real component of any relationship is love. If you know God it )is evident not man’s ideologies or perceptions. Men may have polluted , misappropriated, and misrepresented the Gospel but nevertheless God’s Word is true and you have to know Him intimately to know exactly what you should do. This has never been about man but God. An obligation to know and obey truth, Jesus faced the same scenarios but, He pressed on to fulfill His purpose for the kingdom! What are you purposes to do while here on earth?!

  167. 1. There is no God, or if there is, I don’t care. My behavior is not affected one way or the other. I’m not going to do something for hope of reward and I’m not going to not do something for fear of punishment. I just try to do the right thing, which I believe can be self-evident, though I do get by with a little help from my friends.
    2. God gave man free will, except it doesn’t matter because there is a master plan? God doesn’t interfere, except when he does?
    3. As a homo sapiens, you have the power and autonomy to make your own decisions. Race is a fiction that has hurt our species. We all share the same genetic markers. See Spencer Wells.
    4. Minimalism is a virtue. Accumulating wealth can become a disease, like hoarding that needs to be addressed by a mental health expert.
    5. Your works are not to be judged.
    6. Either all places are holy or no places are holy. See Religious Society of Friends.
    7. I am saddened by people’s need to control others.
    8. You connect with God through your mind, not through somebody else’s.
    9. If there is a God, perhaps it radiates love like the Sun radiates light and hopefully you are basking in that glow.
    10. All humans can lead, unfortunately, many are terrible at the art.
    11. Agreed.
    12. To identify something as a blessing from God is to say to so many others that they were not blessed by God. God cured my cancer, what a blessing. To all those that died from cancer, God must not love you.
    13. See John Dominic Crossan for the Historical Jesus.
    14. Constantine was the beginning of that downfall.
    15. The state of human affairs is a mess. Perhaps we have lost our interconnections with each other and are suffering with the isolation of self?
    16. I don’t have any answers, I value the honest publication of your thoughts and I wanted you to know that they were read and that they were thought about.
    17-20. Agreed

    I am a different person with a different life, however, I feel a lot of common ground.

  168. You go girl! You are correct on every point. It is all about relationship with God (the supreme spiritual entity with no gender). Don’t listen to those that would put you back under bondage to rules! The Mosaic Laws and the 10 Commandments were never given to gentiles. Jesus taught that the church is we the people not a building or organization.

  169. Congratulations! I cut up my “religion’s ID card a couple of years ago. I truly believe that decision allowed me to truly discover what I like to call “The Creator of All That Is”.

  170. it took for you to leave the church to learn all those things?!?! Most of those things are common sense to people who read and understand the bible for them selves. How did you go about figuring these things out on your own? I’m curious about #7 because accountability is a big part of being a functioning adult, whether you believe in God or not. It sound like you perception of “the church” has made you insecure. There’s nothing you learned that you couldn’t have learned in a decent church. The important part is you’re learning, like you said, a church is not needed but as a believer in God, fellowship is. Whether it’s in a church or not

  171. At the very beginning of the MAAFA we was striip of our cultural identity and we was given their religion and their politics as a replacement. As we reestablish our cultural identity our spirituality will be there waiting for our return.

  172. Breaking free of the brainwash and moving into the awakening is great. Jesus did not get involved with religion either. To understand why all of the madness is taking place, please visit my website. http://www.deep-enlightenment.com The site is new. Hopefully I’ve gotten the bugs out but if not, let me know. Be blessed on your journey.

  173. It’s sad that you post things that seem so opinionated. Because you experienced something negative or troubling does not give you the right to state these things as they are truths, facts, or real. We are all entitled to our own beliefs, opinions, and experiences. Spirituality is an individual right, who are you to impose or suggest anything? Church is what we make it. You don’t go there for the pastor, people or for what you can get. It’s an Olathe between you and God; female, male, dog, cat….that’s you. The word can be interpreted in so many ways, that’s why we have so many versions of the bible. So again, you find what appeals to you, what sits well with your inner being, with your spirit and live that.

  174. By chance have come across your blog, I agree church is nowhere perfect. Perfection/answers are found in our relationship to Jesus Christ and the interpretation of Gods word (BIBILE) in our life. But remember GODs power is made perfect in our weakness.

    You are the change you wish to see, because a problem is half solved by just knowing the problem. You saw a problem, with the help of GOD you can make a difference one step at a time.

    Believe that Christ Jesus is Lord of your life, Read the word of God, pray without ceasing and experience real change.

  175. Selah. As an African-American seminary graduate and ordained minister I can identify with many of your statements. The sexuality portion has been so heavily influenced by repressed Church Fathers that it still effects us in detrimental ways today. Don’t let people make you feel guilty or cause you to draw back because of your discoveries.

  176. Wondering how you came upon the conclusion that your salvation is completely solidified and nothing you can say or do can separate you from God’s love? Do you believe in free will and that we could walk away if we wanted to? What about Matthew 7:21?

  177. Am charles from Nigeria, there’s actually a predetermined path one must follow or adhere in order to experience God’s grace , love and the rest.but you can’t find this path in all the churches,the churches that has this path are the one’s that has anointing from god.also gods blessings increases with tithe that is only if you pay your tithe in a church that pay their tithe too.add me on Facebook let me give you more hints.my Facebook name is Ejezie Charles Chinonso

  178. Church is a hospital!. if you find perfect people there, just leave. We are all wounded sinful people who realise we are in need of a Saviour. Further to this it is a personal journey. Don’t let the people you meet in church and the hypocritical things you see around you fade out your focus. If you want to change the world, go ahead and do it but don’t make excuses for not being able to.
    About tithe, you are right. However read that scripture again Malachi 3:6-12.

  179. Energy can neither be created nor destroyed. Therefore, the church was selling you the everlasting Life that you already had. What else can a jack-leg preacher man sell you? Continue to rise with Truth.

  180. Hi. As Christian, PK and Pastor I understand, identify and sympathize with you. Having being raised in Church I have gone through enough and I have seen and still witness many gong through much in Church. Nevertheless I do not agree with your reasons for leaving Church or your reflection after leaving Church.
    Kindly allow me to share few thoughts about Church, which I trust by a Gods grace will be of help to you.
    1. Church is not mans idea. Church was established by God to be the home for Christian (mark you I did not say Perfect) Jesus said “I will build my Church and the gates of hell will not overcome it.” Matthew 16:18
    2. My second point comes from Matthew 16:18. The devil is fighting the Church both from within and outside. Both Christians and non Christians are knowingly or unknowingly being used by the devil to fight the Church “… and the gates of hell shall not prevail against the Church”
    3. There is no perfect Church. Church is made up of imperfect Christians who are “working out their salvation with fear and trembling” Philippians 2:12. If you find “a Perfect Church” please don’t join it, because by doing so it will stop being perfect.
    4. Even though the Church should and ought to meet the social, economical needs of his congregation; these are not Primary reasons for the Church. Jesus said “My house shall be called a house of Prayer” Matthew 21:13. Many of the challenges the church has gone through is because we have join church more for secondary reasons rather than the Primary reason. “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all this things shall be added unto thee” Matthew 6:33

  181. Pingback: You’ve left the Church, now what? A response to Christians who choose not to attend church – blissforsingles.com·

  182. Sorry but you went to the wrong church. It’s important to always pray for God’s guidance for everything in our lives, it’s also important to ask God to guide us to the right church. I’m not saying that the church you went to was bad but it was probably not the church for you. As Christians we are all seeds, if a seed is not on a good soil it will not grow. I think the church you went to was not a good soil for you but it is maybe a good soil for someone else. If you attend my church it may not help you to grow develop your relationship with Christ but that church is perfect for me as i am growing in it.

    I’m sorry but sis you can’t allow a bad experience to change your idea of The Church. The church is for Christ and not man. At the end of the day it’s your salvation that matters. There’s a reason why Heb 10:25 (not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another–and all the more as you see the Day approaching) commands Christians to meet together. Let’s not try to be wiser than God. If I were you I would pray and ask God to guide me to the right church. If you attend a church it does not mean that your salvation is secure and that you are automatically going to heaven, but when you attend a church you become powerful and you are covered. See your christian life as a charcoal.

    A charcoal becomes cold on its own, that’s how it is when you are no longer part of the body of Christ (The Church) you become a weak and and a cold Christian. A charcoal is rather hot when it is together with plenty other charcoals. Seek God to guide you and think about salvation. Stop believing the lies of satan, You are not better off outside the church 🙂

    • Lanna and the others, she isn’t asking for anyone’s opinion about her decision to leave “the church”. Neither is she seeking a church, so please allow her the freedom to make choices about her spirituality. Shalom 😊

  183. Pingback: 20 Lessons I’ve Learned Since Leaving the Church – Truth Troubles: Why people hate the truths' of the real world·

  184. To all of the folks trying to tell Makiah that her list is flawed or to read certain acts of the bible or questioning her thought process, I have this to say: please have several seats. She didn’t write this for you or your approval. She does not need you to agree about anything that she wrote. This was HER list. That means it was comprised of things that SHE felt were worth mentioning. Just because your experience was different from hers and she chose to walk a different path, that doesn’t mean she made a misstep somewhere along her journey. For all you know, she could be right where God wants her to be. So please, let her live.

  185. Makiah, thank you for this well written excerpt. I too left the church 8 years ago and I have not looked back. I left for many of the same reasons you left. I have a new found freedom that is inexplainable. I still love God and adhere to his principles, but I have no intentions of returning to an institution that claims to liberate people, but their sheep is still in bondage. I wish you a blessed journey. Shalom 😊

  186. I could not have said this better myself. I too left the church. People still want labels and to put me in a box so when they aske…So when they ask what are you now? I found Panthiest best described my the path I am on now so at leadt they could get an angle from whichvto critique. SMH but loving me on my search for peace and happiness from within.

  187. Best article piece iv read in a long while…Power my sister power…May God continue to work within you and further liberate your mind…Blessed

  188. Best piece of article iv read in a long long while….May God continue to work through as well as within you my sister…Blessed

  189. There was a time when Jesus was physically present that many of His followers left Him. He asked the twelve, would you also go too? They chose to stay with Christ. If other church goers are wrong and the pastors are insincere, does that make God’s instruction (Heb 10:25) faulty? My sister, what matters in our walk with God is what we choose to be focused on; if we focus on the imperfections we see around, we shall be distracted but if God remains our focus, Love would be our motivation to continue. Your decision may be logically ok but in reality, you are now unstable and can come to a point where you’ll doubt God’s existence. I need you to rethink this decision.

  190. now you have found the real truth me i found out the same thing after being out of church for 4 months and am telling you my life has never been better peaceful and full of joy
    write that book i would like to read it

  191. Almost all of your lessons are correct a part from lesson 16. which I differ with you personally! It’s only human who is a powerful creature in the universe & we seemed to ignore that.

  192. I was born into the Methodist church as my dad was and still is a leader there, my whole family are devout christians, but I felt no connection and left the church when i was 17 (after being confirmed). Something compelled me to leave the church, which i later discovered was The Most high himself. What drove me away from the conventional church was the lack of edification i received. The inconvenient truth is that the philosophies and methods used by our pastors were instilled in them by those who enslaved them which was a common practice since the Renaissance era – this culminated with the destruction of King James not long after he authorised KJV Bible. This coincides with the establishment of the Trans Atlantic slave trade.
    Out of slavery and colonialism theology taught slaves to obey their master, however The Bible was never changed.. these people created their own doctrines based on the bible and founded new religions….
    all the way up to the creation of the black churches of the 1900s.. In short, our reality has been so distorted by how history/The Bible has been forced on us… I came to learn that the King James Version Bible is the most relevant historical document especially for a black people.
    The problem with church is that the bible is being taught as the pastor’s interpretation, not “…as it is written…”
    Because of this our church leaders can’t answer pertinent questions nor relate the various struggles black people face. The only book you’ll find the most concrete truth is The Bible. And it’s best you find a learned teacher to help you with this, I’ve been listening to a few people to get a deeper understanding and continue to seek truth for myself. These are few sources relate mainly to black people in the US but they came from Africa.. you are welcome to do your own search:

  193. I stopped going to church in 2012….and I have never looked back. I never thought I could exist outside the church too…..but I have and I have grown so much since. The reason being I started to depend on what I thought was right for me…what was kind….what was good. I started defining these things for myself because I realized the church, people in general impose ideals on themselves without growing into them or understanding them. You know when the Bible says to work out your own salvation…..this is how mine has worked out and I wouldn’t change it. I am not encouraging church fall outs…I am encouraging your journey to define you for you. So keep growing!

  194. unfortunately I don’t follow your blog and I don’t know what led you to this decision. What I want to say is, two wrongs don’t make a right.

    Are you a black woman who happens to be a Christian or a Christian who just happens to be black?

  195. I totally get why you choose to make these statements about The Church in general, there might be exceptions, but there are so few. Because most of the statements you make are valid and true for over 90% of all churches, thanks for sharing!

  196. I’m writing this from Kenya, East Africa, so maybe I share a different cultural background from most of you. Our first president Jomo Kenyatta once said, “The white man came and asked us to close our eyes and pray. When we opened our eyes, the white people had our land and we had the Bible.” Nothing paraphrases my view about the Church than this statement. I have also noted that the people who believe so much in Christianity, are also the most ignorant of how the myths, fables and pieces of Jewish tribal history were voted into the Bible in the Council of Nicaea. It is an incontestable fact that the more one is ignorant bout the creation of a religion and its original purpose, the more he is likely to believe in it. Also, people of low intelligence are more likely to view the world as a terrifying place, thus falling for simplistic solutions like the ones offered by religion.I come from a very staunch Christian family, but I haven’t been to Church for over a decade. The truth, as I discovered, does not need a witness.

  197. God’s will is not a path. It the WORD which is Jesus Christ. Pastors ain’t loyal because they are human. And God is not man, he is SPIRIT and those that worship Him, worship Him in Spirit and truth.

    I think you mentioned quite the obvious. At the end of the day, I tell people. It’s not about going to church, it’s about being the church.

  198. Wow, you sound just like me 25 years ago. I tried to find every excuse in the book not to attend church, 15 of them are on your list. But I came to realize my justification was wrong, I was allowing others and what they did in and out of church affect my judgment. You see it doesn’t matter what others do, as long as I am faithful to God and do my part God will I honor my faithfulness… So Find you a good Bible preaching church and study the Scriptures for yourself and stay connected with God in and out of the church house….. Have a blessed day my sister in Christ.

    There’s a reason that God established the church for the body of Christ and even though you might have had some bad experiences doesn’t mean you should give up on fellowship with other believers.

  199. This sounds like a girl that went through alot of hurt at the church she was attending. But my dear, all you are saying is out of your own self thought and contradicting everything the word of God say in the bible. You sound like a philosopher basing everything from their own knowledge and opinion, but dont be fool. The bible did speak about tithes, it did speak about nor forsaking the assembly, also speak about talking bad about the servants of God and his church etc. You just cant say, these pastors int loyal. You know every pastor in the world to make such a statement?! . So u better watch you speak about God’s servants, word to wise is sufficient.

  200. Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;) And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.
    (Heb 10:23-25)

  201. Now I would not have you ignorant, brethren, that oftentimes I purposed to come unto you, (but was let hitherto,) that I might have some fruit among you also, even as among other Gentiles. I am debtor both to the Greeks, and to the Barbarians; both to the wise, and to the unwise. So, as much as in me is, I am ready to preach the gospel to you that are at Rome also. For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek. For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written, The just shall live by faith. For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness;
    (Rom 1:13-18)

  202. I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot. So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth. Because thou sayest, I am rich, and increased with goods, and have need of nothing; and knowest not that thou art wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked: I counsel thee to buy of me gold tried in the fire, that thou mayest be rich; and white raiment, that thou mayest be clothed, and that the shame of thy nakedness do not appear; and anoint thine eyes with eyesalve, that thou mayest see. As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent. Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.
    (Rev 3:15-20)

  203. Your words only prove one thing, you are no better than the church you so diligently criticize. Christ Called the church the Body of Christ, the Bride of Christ. To live apart from the church is to live apart from Christ Himself. You have not introduced a new revelation or philosophy. You have merely confirmed the old.

  204. For as the body is one, and hath many members, and all the members of that one body, being many, are one body: so also is Christ. For by one Spirit are we all baptized into one body, whether we be Jews or Gentiles, whether we be bond or free; and have been all made to drink into one Spirit. For the body is not one member, but many. If the foot shall say, Because I am not the hand, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? And if the ear shall say, Because I am not the eye, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where were the smelling? But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him. And if they were all one member, where were the body? But now are they many members, yet but one body. And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you. Nay, much more those members of the body, which seem to be more feeble, are necessary: And those members of the body, which we think to be less honourable, upon these we bestow more abundant honour; and our uncomely parts have more abundant comeliness. For our comely parts have no need: but God hath tempered the body together, having given more abundant honour to that part which lacked: That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another. And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it. Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular. And God hath set some in the church, first apostles, secondarily prophets, thirdly teachers, after that miracles, then gifts of healings, helps, governments, diversities of tongues.
    (1Co 12:12-28)

  205. When one does not have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ himself, but with the people who make up the church, your view of the church, their teachings, and their doctrine’s can be misskewed by what the bible actually teaches. No, there is no perfect church, and non good but the father. But, I believe there is a church that is for you that coupled with you reading the bible also can help you grow and exterminate most of your listings. That’s why, you need to receive the Baptism of the Holy Ghost. He will lead you into all truths.

  206. 1. True
    2. True – it is not something predetermined individually. False – We all must do God’s will, as outlined in the Scriptures, to receive salvation. (compare Matthew 7:21)
    3. True
    4. True
    5. False – We all must conform to God’s standard of righteousness. (compare Zephaniah 2:3; Ephesians 4:24)
    6. False – (compare Hebrews 10:24, 25)
    7. True
    8. True
    9. False – The Scriptures are full of warnings, given to born again, anointed Christians to remain morally clean to avoid losing their calling and suffering destruction. Compare the entire book of Jude with Jesus’ statement at John 15:10. Conclusion: If Jesus had to remain in God’s love, how much more so do we?
    10. True – whether that is God’s prescribed arrangement is scripturally debatable.
    11. True – however, we must still honor God’s righteous standards. (compare 1 Corinthians 6:18; Hebrews 13:4)
    12. True
    13. True – however, the Scriptures are not Jesus’ word, they are God’s Word and his word prohibits those practicing of sins, that he condemns, from inheriting God’s Kingdom. (Galatians 5:19-21)
    14. True
    15. True
    16. True
    17. True
    18. Possibly
    19. I do not know of her.
    20. True – a woman can be a believer. False – God is not partial and neither should we be. (Acts 10:34, 35)

  207. 1. He’s not a woman either.
    2. God does have a will and his will is captured in the Bible. You can experience God’s love, grace and favor, but if you love God and thus desire to please him, you will obey him. God’s will is loving him enough to obey him.
    3. As a Black woman, you do have the power and autonomy to make your own decisions, but when you accept salvation and choose to follow him, you surrender your autonomy and power in exchange for his desire for you and his power to do what he desires. He becomes not only your Savior, but also your Lord and Master.
    4. Being filled with is Spirit is the indicator of his Presence. If you are saved, then you are also filled with his Spirit.
    5. But his Grace is not a license to sin. Instead his Grace empowers us to do the work he has set for us and overcome the sin that snares us through his power.
    6. You don’t need a church home in order to facilitate a relationship with God, but as a member of God’s body, you were not made to function forever separate from the rest of his body. We need him, and we need each other.
    7. True, but if Jesus is accountable to his father, surely we can’t believe we are accountable to no one.
    8. If we’re honest neither are we. Remember what you said in #5? We want grace, but we don’t want to extend any. Plus, are you following a pastor, or following Jesus?
    9. Amen
    10. Agreed. We are capable, but according to the Bible, is that our role and what God has set for us to do? If we neglect our role to lead simply because we are capable, who then fills the vacuum that arises from our neglecting our role?
    11. Sexuality and spirituality aren’t mutually exclusive. Also true. They go together according to God’s design as laid out in Scripture. Considering he gave to us both our sexuality and spirituality, shouldn’t we believe what he says about us when it comes to both?
    12. God’s blessings are contingent upon our obedience. God does not bless our disobedience.
    13. I don’t know what “sins” were taught in your church, but Jesus is the Word, and the Word is the Bible. If its sin according to the Bible, it’s sin. Either you accept the Bible in its entirety or you reject it, including the parts where Jesus is highlighted in red. If you don’t trust the entirety of Scripture, how can you trust the parts about Jesus? If you don’t trust the Scriptures, how can you claim to know Jesus?
    14. If the western church stopped existing today, where would the rest of the world’s Christians be?
    15. Neither is the Prosperity Gospel, the Social Justice Gospel, the Gospel according to what you want it to be, and any of the New Age philosophies that have crept into the church.
    16. Doesn’t that simply mean we should more fervently seek the One who does have all the answers?
    17. I reject any stance either one has that is contrary to Scripture. When we stop making “race and culture” our Bible and start reading the actual Bible, a change will come.
    18. That may be true, but you will never overcome sin unless you acknowledge it for what it is—sin. Many who refuse to speak against any sin, refuse to because they don’t want to repent of any sin and obey God. They want to be free to live contrary to God’s Word without feeling any conviction of their actions.
    19. Heather Lindsey has laid out, based on Scripture, how single and married women can live out God’s Word. If she is wrong about all of it and its based upon purity and holiness, you have a problem with God’s Word, not with her. If you think she’s lying about all of it, you need to be sure that you aren’t deceived and lying to yourself.
    20. You do have to choose which one is most important. Does being a woman trump being a believer? Does being black trump being a believer? Priority should be given to the one that is eternal. If Jesus doesn’t transcend your race or your gender then he is not your God.

  208. Welcome to the great falling away………
    1 Tim 4:1-3
    4:1 Now the Spirit expressly says that in latter times some will depart from the faith, giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons, 2 speaking lies in hypocrisy, having their own conscience seared with a hot iron,
    Matt 24:10-14
    10 And then many will be offended, will betray one another, and will hate one another. 11 Then many false prophets will rise up and deceive many. 12 And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold. 13 But he who endures to the end shall be saved. 14 And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in all the world as a witness to all the nations, and then the end will come.

    1. God is not a man. (Very simple – God is God, and man is man – don’t have to be a genius to understand that)

    2. There is no pre-determined path called “God’s will” that I must discover and adhere to in order to experience God’s grace, love, and favor.
    (God does have a plan for your life!! but his love is unconditional – Jer 29:11-13 11 For I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.)

    3. As a Black woman, I have the power and autonomy to make my own decisions.
    (Has nothing to do with being a woman or black – everyone has free will and free choice, but the choices we make(good or bad) has consequences)

    4. Material success isn’t an indicator of God’s presence(I am in 100% agreement)
    Your lifestyle is an indication of God’s presence
    Matt 7:16-20
    16 You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thorn bushes or figs from thistles? 17 Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Therefore by their fruits you will know them.

    5. God’s grace is sufficient, even when my works aren’t.(I am in 100% agreement)

    6. I don’t need a church home in order to facilitate a relationship with God
    (What an incredible foolish statement…This one statement reveals ‘WHO” is speaking through you)
    Heb 10:24-25
    24 And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, 25 not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.(Food for thought…who wins when saints are divided against one another…hmmm…I got it SATAN)

    7.Accountability is often (but not always) used as an excuse for control and spiritual manipulation.
    (The “Word of God” is the measure of “Accountability”)

    8. These pastors ain’t loyal. (Sorry, the “Word of God” is in disagreement with you…
    Jer 3:15-16
    15 And I will give you shepherds according to My heart, who will feed you with knowledge and understanding.
    (Therefore since we know God can not lie, I am going to have to assuming that “YOU ARE” lying – that God has more than 7,000 that has not bowed their knee to baal

    9. My salvation is already solidified and there’s nothing I can do or say to separate myself from God’s love.
    (The race is not given to swift or strong but to the one that endures to the end…Jesus personally addresses the sevens churches in the book of Revelation and warn them that if they didn’t change certain things their salvation would be lost…..To Smyrna and Sardis. To those in Smyrna it is said: He who overcomes shall not be hurt by the second death (Rev. 2:11); – The second death – the lake of fire
    and to those in Sardis: He who overcomes shall be clothed in white garments, and I will not blot out his name from the Book of Life; but I will confess his name before My Father and before His angels. (First your name has to be written in the book of Life – accepting Jesus as your Lord and Saviour – before it can be blotted out….not to hard to understand and not that complicated to comprehend

    10. Women are fully capable of leading churches, nations, and their families.(I am in 100% agreement – my pastor is a woman)

    11. Sexuality and spirituality aren’t mutually exclusive.(I don’t understand your meaning of this statement – but the Word of God does not promote fornication, adultery or homosexuality)

    12. God’s blessings were never dependent upon my willingness or ability to tithe(Can we just be real….you love your money and you don’t want to let it go…but financial blessing ARE dependent upon you giving. (Since you mention that Jesus didn’t speech on certain things…I thought it would be nice to see HIS view on tithes…
    Jesus rebuke the Pharisees for paying tithes but not having justice, mercy and faith. He said these you ought to have done (paying tithes) without leaving the others undone (justice, mercy and faith)…Amazing what you could learn by just reading the bible…..WOW
    Matt 23:23-24
    23 Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faith. These you ought to have done, without leaving the others undone.

    13. Jesus never mentioned most of the “sins” I was taught in church.
    (Sin has been “clearly” defined in the bible, whether spoken by prophet in the old testament, by Jesus or by the Apostles. Jesus never mention that it was a sin to have sex with animals either, so is it ok for me to go hump a turtle….Really!!!…Are we that stupid….This is the argument that most people use to rationalize their “pet sin”

    14. Western Christianity is the farthest thing from what the original church sought out to accomplish.(Cultures will change but the Word of God will never change)

    15. Spiritualized self-help is not the Gospel.(i am 100% in agreement)

    16. Anyone claiming to have all the answers clearly doesn’t.
    (You are so right, but it is amazing that you are encouraging people to come to your blog for “answers”…hmm…hmm..)

    17. White evangelicals (and the Black evangelicals spouting the same white, patriarchal values) are modern manifestations of neocolonialism.
    Gal 3:26-29
    26 For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. 27 For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. 28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 29 And if you are Christ’s, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.
    (For you are all son of God through faith in Christ Jesus…since God doesn’t see Jew or Greek, slave or free, male or female….Why do you see black or white….God only see the righteous and the unrighteous and he has commission us(the church) to evangelized the unrighteous
    I just dropped the mic….

    18. The people who condemn a particular sin the most are typically the ones struggling with it. (I am sure some of us have “lied” since we have become born again…but we can all agree that lying is wrong…and we HAVE all said that lying is wrong but we have done IT…therefore the only thing that is relevant is what does the “Word of God” says about it. We have all done things that WE say is wrong. (But maybe this doesn’t apply to you SUPERWOMAN)

    19. Heather Lindsey lied. About all of it.
    (Sorry, I don’t know Heather Lindsey…but what does that have to do with God. God is God, man is man…) We are all flawed….

    20. I don’t have to choose between being a woman, being unapologetically Black, and being a believer.
    (What are you choosing between (WOMAN OR MAN, BLACK OR WHITE, BELIEVER OR NOT BELIEVER??? You can’t be a woman, black and a believer???…….I AM CONFUSED BY THIS STATEMENT)


  209. The churches have never been on the side of the black race, they have been mostly silent about the problems facing blacks, this makes them part of the problem if you ask me but it comes as no surprise since their doctrine’s have been skewed to benefit their white oppressors(their slave masters) who designed and gave the doctrines to the black race as a means of psychologically keeping the larger black populace sedated enough with religious lies and dogma with the aim of keeping blacks from revolting against the systems of oppression and the many acts of cruelty being meted out to the black race.
    To do so followers are asked to forgive, turn the other cheek, and that the cause of their struggles is because of their sinful nature, making it seem they are responsible for their plight and that their sufferings will some day be alleviated and rewarded in heaven if they subject themselves blindly to the faith, thus unconsciously asking blacks to go on enduring all these inhumane treatment meted out by racist whites, because they will be some day be rewarded for enduring such afflictions in heaven.
    These preachers knowingly or unknowingly condone and benefit from propagating this gospel of deception designed for the perpetual enslavery of the black race, by enriching themselves at the expense of the brain washed religeous masses because it is when people are downtrodden and in despair that they are most likely to turn to these hypocrite preachers for help, and in their despair they vulnerably believe any false message of hope sold to them from the pulpit.
    The unfortunate congregation are the unsuspecting lives paying the price for these purported messages of hope with their offerings and tithes, having been somehow convinced they are by so doing acquiring for themselves some respite for their struggles after death, and some piece of real estate in heaven, along with the hope of a better life after death experience, In exchange their required to exhibit unquestionable loyalty and devotion to the religion and its leaders because their leaders some how understand the will of God better than they do, yet this same heaven the congregation of sheep look forward to is presided over by another white god.

    No way are their tools of deception going to work, Dr. King had to fight against white oppression from the pulpit and in the streets until his dieing breath, and that’s what we expect from black religious leaders anything shy of that is hypocritical. It is time for the sleeping black man to arise from his slumber and take their rightful place in the realms of things instead of enduring untold hardship when they are blessed with the best of human and natural resources. for the same scripture states in Eccl 10:7 that “I have seen slaves on horses, and princes walking on the ground like slaves”.

  210. You are not better off outside the Church, the bible says do not forsake the gathering of the saint… Iron sharpens iron…

  211. In these last days there will be a Great Falling Away of the church and men will be lovers of themselves. No thank I’m going to do it the Bible way. God’s way is the only way and I will not lean to my own understanding. Matt 24 chapter tells it before Jesus Christ soon return!

  212. Corporate worship with other believers strengthens your faith, empowers, motivates and inspires. Our relationship with God is always first and foremost when achieving spiritual growth, I pray that you will find a church that fills your soul, and champions your body, our bodies, there are congregations that do. I once felt like you, I realized that it wasnt the building or the preacher that saves me, only Christ can do that, give me freedom to be a Black woman, found a church that encourages questions, involved in community, has female deacons, and ministers, and speaks up on our issues, we are culturally relevant, Now I didn’t say we are perfect, cause there is no such thing as a perfect anything,but I am motivated along with every member of the congregation to search out my purpose, what success translates to me in my purpose, and always to serve as if to serve God.

  213. That moment when you thought you were the only one… But you read a post and it’s basically your thoughts in 20 quick, short points! I love this post!

  214. Pingback: [Commentary] 20 Lessons Learnt Since Leaving The Church | Flo Falayi·

  215. Interesting read I must say ….We all have experiences in life good and bad. Particular when it comes to the Word /bible . If we believe its a starting point to have a discussion.If you embrace truth its no longer what you think or your experiences. The bible is very clear on morality , marriage between man and women. Very clear on the 10 Commandments. We have to understand the dynamics of the world we live in. Its a spiritual war that defies logic its evil and demonic.The spiritual world is real.We wrestle not aginst flesh and blood but against principalities powers rulers of the darkness spiritual wickedness in high places.

    Enclosing this is not how smart you are are aren’t. It deeper!




  216. Every one remember The Lords Prayer that Jesus taught the 12 Disciples. It says YOUR WILL BE DONE IN EARTH AS IT IS DONE IN HEAVEN. Whose will? The Fathers.

  217. I lost my faith

    And now i think faith is like hope…a lie we tell ourselves inorder to progress while we act towards a goal..be it a goal like remainig faithful in the church..or trying to pass a degree..
    Kinda like a drug..a pain killer of sorts..to deal

    But in essence..its just a drug..

    These are the thoughts iv had and i would like to hear your opinions on it..i need to hear other voices too

  218. Sounds like you may not have been going to a truly Christian church. A lot of churches call themselves Christian but do not follow God’s Will. God does say in His inerrant Bible that we Christians should attend church and
    be around other Christians. Since Jesus is head of the church we should go there to find Him and learn all we can about Him.
    I hope you will return to church. Find a true Christian church, one you can be welcomed into and enjoy. Being male, white and 74, I have learned that the best way to help a person is to be a friend to them.
    You appear to have several struggles and my advice is to find some Christian friends you can talk about your struggles with and determine true Christian answers.
    Thanks for reading my blog.
    May God bless you and be Your Father forever,
    a servant of Christ,
    Carlton Blaylock

  219. Amen!!!! As a UCC pastor I am so tired of fighting the warped theology of evangelicals. It is all about control. Men controlling women under the guise of faith is just a crock. If God did not want women and men to enjoy their bodies we would be trees!

  220. Interesting post…. But I have a question please…you didn’t address the fact that iron sharpeneth iron…so the need for us to fellowship together so we don’t backslide. Can you address that please?

  221. I would ask you to please not give up on Church. Yes, there are a lot of bad preachers and churches. You have reason to stay away. But I ask you to reconsider because its people like you that will bring change to a broken system. 4 years ago I was excommunicated from church. A place I thought I could always return to especially since I did children’s ministries and outreach. It hurt me beyond explanation to be told to not come back. I realize Satan was at work. The Lord knew I wouldn’t grow in that church. I started my own ministry and I found a church I can’t get enough of. If it happened to me it could happen to you. So, I say don’t get discouraged because that’s where Satan wants you (On an island by yourself with no believers near). Sometimes we don’t see the blessing of a unfortunate experience but trust me if you are in Gods will; he will reveal to you why this and that happened. God has you in the palm of his hand and no one can snatch you away. I will leave with this…..you don’t have of shout from the roof tops about who you are … you should shout about how awesome God is and he will make sure everyone know who and how great you are. Remember where the Lord takes you his Grace will meet you. God Bless young lady!

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